Blog
Winter Solstice!
Winter is here! This solstice marks the beginning of what is known as astronomical winter, not meteorological winter. And maybe it marks the beginning of something else. What if it was to mark the beginning of a time of wonder and magic? Why would I be making this assertion? Winter months bring with them cold temperatures, snow, icicles, frost, and the hope that spring will come again. First, hope is magical in what it can accomplish. Take a look at some of these quotes:
“We must accept finite disappointment, but never lose infinite hope.” - Martin Luther King, Jr.
“Hope is being able to see that there is light despite all the darkness.” - Desmond Tutu
“Hope is the thing with feathers that perches in the soul - and sings the tunes without the words - and never stops at all.” - Emily Dickinson
“Hope is important because it can make the present moment less difficult to bear. If we believe that tomorrow will be better, we can bear a hardship today.” - Thich Nhat Hanh
Hope carries us through hard places, which some days is magical. When talking about magic, we are not looking at the type of magic that happens as if we could wave a wand and have something appear. We are looking at the magic of the human soul and spirit to move through hard times and emerge again.
Snow, icicles, and frost bring with their beautiful shapes, purpose, creativity, and wonder. Think of how a child looks at snowflakes and tries to find the latticework of the snowflake, then maybe plays in the snow with freedom and joy. The snowflake not only serves a purpose within nature but so does the latticework. It happens to take the form of some beautiful, creative pattern.
One final thought for us to consider on this day. Solstice comes from the Latin sol, meaning “sun,” and, sistere meaning “to stand still.” For a few days right before and after the solstice, the path of the Sun across the sky seems to freeze as the change in its noontime elevations is so slight that the path of the Sun appears to stay the same. There are two ideas that nature asks us to remember. First, that change can sometimes happen slowly and in small steps, which is okay. Second, maybe there is wisdom in stopping to spend some time in liminal space. Liminal space gives us the time and space to reflect and not have to jump right into the next “thing.” Each of the seasons gradually comes upon us. Seasons don’t happen in an instant or overnight. Transitions are not always easy. What they are, though, is a time of acknowledging change. When we are able to move with change, like the earth and her changes of seasons, we free up the energy and creativity to make our way through. When we resist, we cause more stress for ourselves and miss the lessons and nuances of the transition.
WELCOME WINTER!
Take Action Today Moment:
Consider inviting some of these feelings, memories, and ideas into the coming days. Take some time to slow down and reflect. If it happens to snow where you are, take a moment to look at a snowflake, and look at it like a child would without expectations, just curiosity and wonder. And remember the power of hope, and draw inspiration from mother earth as she brings us into winter with the promise of spring.
Learn More About the Winter Solstice:
The Nature of Fear
When the word fear is brought up, chances are different thoughts, feelings, emotions, and body sensations arise for all of us. Maybe they arise in unique combinations based on our individual experiences, and yet, they still arise. That is what we are going to explore today - the nature of fear.
To begin, we need to understand why fear exists and how it benefits us.
Fear is wired into our bodies for a purpose.
Fear helps protect us.
Fear alerts us to danger and asks us to prepare.
Fear is helpful in some situations.
Fear can act like a warning to be careful and aware.
Fear gives us information.
Fear generally appears in the flight, fight, freeze, fawn, and faint responses. Again each serves a purpose.
Fight - The brain and body mobilize for an altercation.
Flight - The brain and body prepare to run away.
Freeze - The brain and body strive to keep quiet and still.
Fawn - The brain works to please whatever is triggering the fear.
Faint - The brain has the body shut down to appear dead.
While the above is a simplistic overview, it gives us an idea of the purpose and manifestations of fear. We need to honor fear for how it helps us! That then frees us to take a step beyond and understand how fear may show up in ways and areas of our life that may be hampering our experience of life.
Fear can hold us back from trying new things.
Fear can tell us that we can’t accomplish our dreams.
Fear colors our perspective.
Fear causes us to shut down to possibilities.
Fear narrows our field vision.
Fear cuts us off opportunities.
Fear can show up in the word “no” when we know we have the ability and skills.
Fear can be apparent, or it can be sneaky in how it shows up. No matter how it shows up when blocking us from living our lives fully, we first need to cultivate an awareness of how fear lives in our bodies.
Here are some questions to consider:
What thoughts come into your mind?
What body sensations arise? Are they subtle or are they loud?
What images come into your mind?
What movements does your body do?
When we can understand the signs of fear, we can then befriend our fear, thank it, and then invite courage and self-compassion to the party so that we can act from that place instead of the fearful place. Self-compassion allows us to honor this journey and not be perfect in understanding our fear responses. Courage allows us to take that leap of faith and empowers us to look for a different perspective that acknowledges the fear and lets us know that we still can accomplish our dreams and goals.
Going through this process is not linear, nor is it easy. What can be said is how worth it is to discover that fear does not have to govern your life.
Never let fear decide your fate!
Take Action Today Moment:
Begin to understand your fear. Once you explore the questions above, invite your fear into a conversation. That conversation can look so many different ways. You can:
Dance with your fear
Draw with your fear
Run with your fear
Write with your fear
And the list can go on. The point is, though, you invite fear and leave judgments out. You come to the conversation with an open heart, willing to listen and learn from your fear so you can say thank you and then take the next steps.
Learn More About Fear:
The Four Fear Responses: Fight, Flight, Freeze, and Fawn
The Sting and Learning Lessons of Rejection
Let’s face it, rejection hurts and stings! It is something that many would prefer to go without. There are so many facets when talking about rejection because it is such a complex topic. While we don’t have the time and space to talk about every aspect, there are two pieces that we will explore today. The first is the experience of rejection and the second is how we might want to ensure that we are prepared to be kind and compassionate in our responses when we feel like we are rejecting someone.
Before we dive into our breakdown, there is a clarification that we need to make. There is a difference between being rejected as a person and in relation to an experience, opportunity, etc. Understanding this difference in our head may be a little easier than understanding that difference in our hearts and emotions because it can hurt no matter what is being rejected.
1. The Experience
As mentioned above, rejection hurts and can stick with us for a period of time. How we experience rejection depends on many things. A couple include how the “rejection” is delivered, previous experiences, and our degree of vulnerability.
Delivery
Not everyone has the skills and/or thinks about how wording and delivery have an impact. They just fire off an email or say something quickly without some thought. It happens! Chances are we all have an experience that we can share.
Experiences
Our previous experiences with rejection come with us, as do the experiences of the person doing the “rejection.” If we come from a childhood trauma background, for example, there may be a deep sense of feeling rejected by a caregiver that becomes our lens of the world. Or if we have just experienced a string of rejections after putting ourselves out there, offering up our skills and talents, that shades the next rejection that we experience. These are just a couple examples of many.
Vulnerability
When we put ourselves out there, we become vulnerable. Oftentimes we spend a lot of time trying to protect ourselves, so when we do let our wall down and show ourselves we are taking a risk. Chances are we are hoping for validating feedback versus the sting of rejection. What happens, though, is outside of our control. What is in our control is our choice to be vulnerable. If we don't take that risk we can miss opportunities.
2. Kindness and Compassion in Delivery
When we think about our experiences with rejection, it can be an impetus for ensuring that we are not perpetuating what has been our experience. We have a chance to do things differently, to support others and even help ourselves.
Intent vs. Impact
The first piece we need to keep in mind when we are potentially providing what may feel like rejection is to remember intent versus impact. Intent is what you want to do, how you think or feel, or who you are. Impact is the reality of your actions, how your actions make another feel, or what you did.
Remember Compassion and Self-Compassion
Compassion and self-compassion ask us to remember our common humanity and that we all have internal experiences. They also ask us to honor ourselves and others as beings that deserve honor and respect. So when we think about the possibility of delivering what feels like a rejection, remember that drawing from your own experiences and maybe from your hurt to do something differently may make all the difference.
Golden Rule
“Treat others the way you would like to be treated.” Chances are many of us have heard a version of this saying. A simple question we can ask ourselves is, “Would we want this message delivered to us like this?” Keep in mind we may need to account for personality differences.
Take Action Today Moment:
Take some time to reflect on what the topic of rejection even means to you. What experiences have you had with rejection? Do you tend to interpret the experience as a rejection of yourself, as motivation to do something different, or something else? Once you have an understanding, you can begin to explore your own reactions to rejection. In the meantime, practice kindness and compassion in your delivery when you are in a situation where the person might experience a feeling of rejection. That is something we all can do!
Learn More About Rejection:
Why rejection hurts so much — and what to do about it
Doing the Best You Can!
Perfectionism is a myth, and yet many of us strive for it in our personal lives, professional lives, and, if we are in a leadership position, it may even show up in our expectations of others. We can strive for perfectionism implicitly or explicitly and sometimes the implicit striving can be the most difficult to find compassion for and reflect on.
We find ourselves wanting to reflect the “perfect image” or make sure no one sees our perceived flaws. There can be great energy expended to present that perfect front. The question is how much energy do we expend and at what cost. What do we sacrifice with that energy expenditure? What part of ourselves do we lose in the process? Is there something that we are missing?
What is wrong with doing the best we can with what we have? Nothing! It is important to acknowledge that we honestly try to do the best we can with what we have experienced, know, and maybe even feel. This is where expectations may come into play. Expectations that we place upon ourselves. Expectations society places on us. Expectations that others place on us. That does not mean that we cannot learn and grow. We have the ability to change and learn new ways of being.
In the meantime, while we practice and learn, what would be the consequences if we decided to do things differently? If we instead decided that imperfect was beautiful and that our faults are pieces of who we are. Instead of trying to remove or scrub away these pieces, we welcomed them as friends who have something to share. Maybe this sounds counterintuitive, but then again, maybe not. It is like regaining pieces of ourselves that we have shoved away, leaving us with these spots that are even more vulnerable because we find ourselves wanting to protect them. Imagine what it would be like to stop spending all this energy guarding these spots and instead invest in acknowledging that our perceived flaws give life flavor.
Something that many counselors in training are told and take to heart is that ruptures happen in therapeutic relationships. It happens. Even counselors are not perfect. While counselors don’t intend ruptures to happen in the therapeutic relationship because they make a mistake, they understand that these moments have potential. Potential to make the therapeutic relationship stronger. The consequences of denying a mistake or covering it up in any type of relationship cause all sorts of issues and damage both people. Why these examples? Because of expectations. There can be a misconception that counselors are perfect when it comes to clients. So people come to have expectations that counselors and counseling sessions may not have those issues. The expectation is not true. So here we come back again to acknowledging that imperfection and doing the best we can are pieces of the process.
While this post has already been question filled. There is one final question for everyone to reflect on. What is beautiful about your own imperfections and your process of doing the best you can?
Take Action Today Moment:
Take some time to reflect on the questions asked throughout this post. Maybe consider reflecting on them during different moods and at different times. Chances are you will continue to uncover many different layers in your reflections. These questions are meant to provide for exploration with self-compassion. Put judgment to the side and enjoy the process of acknowledging that doing the best you can is a gift.
Learn More About Perfectionism:
Priorities - Where We Place Things
How do we decide where we place our priorities? Take a minute and think about that before reading further. Consider taking some notes, drawing, or doing anything else that helps.
After your thought exploration….
Now let’s look at our notes, thoughts, images, etc.
What themes stand out?
Are any emotions or thoughts evoked from looking at your notes?
Anything that you wish was different?
Anything you hope stays the same?
What items take the top spots? What items take the lower spots?
Are there differences between how you place priorities in your professional life and personal life?
How do your professional and personal priorities intermingle?
Do you make the list? Friends? Family?
These are just a few of the many questions that may be worth exploring when considering priorities.
There is a great social worker named Dr. Randy Sconiers, DSW, LCSW. In his book, Good Vibes, he writes about something fundamental - self-care. In that chapter, though, he makes a fantastic point. He writes about the difference between the word “a” and “the” when it comes to taking care of ourselves. There is a distinction between making yourself “a” priority and “the” priority. In the “a” situation, you make the list. In the “the” situation, you are the priority. To learn more about Dr. Ssconiers please follow the links below. His work is extremely impactful. This is one point. But no worries, there are more to make about our priorities!
Where we tend to place our priorities tends to reflect our values, needs, or our perceptions based on experiences, thoughts, and/or emotions. There is no judgment about how or why we place priorities. If any does arise, instead, invite self-compassion. When we go back to our notes, where do we see our values, needs, and perceptions? It might surprise us all to see places of alignment and congruence, and also places where our priorities may not be in congruence.
“Tyranny of the shoulds” is another pesky concept that sneaks into our priorities. We may prioritize the “shoulds” over other things that mean more to us. That is not to say that bills don’t need to get paid, etc. Rather, we find ourselves prioritizing things that we have meant to say ‘no’ to in the first place.
Other patterns may show up in what we prioritize. For example, do we use some of our priorities to procrastinate on other things? Do we use some of our priorities to avoid other things? Do we set our priorities based on what other people or culture wants us to prioritize? Again, we have a list of questions that could continue. There is a lot to learn in the patterns of how we prioritize.
While this above list is only scratching the surface, hopefully, it inspires us to take some time to engage in a little bit more exploration. When we take the time to learn and bring awareness, we then open the door to either acknowledging that we are good with priorities or changing them to bring them into alignment with ourselves.
Take Action Today Moment:
Spend some time engaging in the process of exploration! Maybe continue to write and bring in color coding. Or consider drawing or using symbols or pictures. Or maybe consider asking for feedback from trusted family or friends. If you decide that you need to make some changes, take one step at a time because chances are that you are used to doing things one way as are other people who may have their own reactions to the changes. This is where honoring your experience and standing up for yourself comes into play. Ground yourself in remembering why you are making these changes.
Learn More About Dr. Randy Sconiers:
Mental Blocks
What do you write about when you have writer's block? One writes about the writer's block as it relates to life because we all experience mental blocks of some kind in our lives. What is a mental block? Just for fun we are going to look at the basic building blocks of life to help us look at mental blocks. Sounds strange and hopefully the purpose will make sense.
Six main elements are fundamental building blocks of life. From most common to least common: hydrogen, carbon, nitrogen, oxygen, phosphorus, and sulfur. Carbon is the element that is considered the basis of life. These elements combine with others elements on the periodic table to create the structures that we know today. There are so many combinations, and depending on your perspective, this process seems like a creative process as well. Yes, there are certain laws of physics and chemistry that we have learned about elements and molecular structures that help us understand the process.
Now back to mental blocks. Mental blocks can be the opposite of fun, especially when we are trying to accomplish something in our personal or professional life. They may seem insurmountable. They may seem stubborn. They may seem to be pushing back. This list can go on and on. Instead of fighting back against mental blocks, what if we looked at them as information and potential building blocks that create something entirely new.
How are mental blocks information?
The mental block is there for a reason. It is telling us something that we need to pay attention to. Oftentimes we spend energy fighting the mental block, give up, or skip the opportunity to explore why it exists. There can be many different pieces or combinations underlying mental blocks like fear, apathy, lack of inspiration, etc. Understanding these reasons not only allows us to understand ourselves better, but it also allows us to address some of these pieces that are asking for attention. Take lack of inspiration as an example. It may mean that is not where our heart or mind is at that moment. It may mean we need a break or we may need to rethink our project or approach. It could even mean that we said yes to something we may have needed to say no to.
How do mental blocks allow us to create something new?
We are asked to potentially come up with a different approach, process, or product by asking us to work differently. We may not have access to our same old approach, process, or product. In this process we also learn what we are capable of and that other possibilities exist. If we continually focus on our current and habitual ways of doing and being we miss opportunities. Those missed opportunities may turn out to be even better, but they would have not happened if not given the opportunity.
Now coming back to our fundamental building blocks of life. These fundamental building blocks come together to create life as we know it. Where would we be without these building blocks? So here we come back to our mental blocks. Where would we be without mental blocks? Mental blocks provide insight into ourselves, new information, and allow us to break out of habitual patterns. So instead of fighting and dreading mental blocks, embrace the mental blocks and use them to build your unique story.
Take Action Today Moment:
Next time you face a mental block, instead of fighting the block, use it as a learning opportunity and befriend the block. Sounds strange to say that. However, when you embrace and take advantage of the opportunity, you will find something shifts. You will no longer be wasting energy fighting the mental block. Instead your mental block will become a source of inspiration and energy!
Talking About Difficult Topics
Chances are, we have all heard about how important communication is in relationships. We may have all heard it in many forms, perhaps at length. Well, we are not going to add to it, but we are going to examine one aspect, of many, that communication allows us to do - engage in discussing difficult topics. That said, even reading this post may push us to the edge of our comfort zone, which is the point of this post.
Talking about difficult topics is not easy, as we all know, nor is it high on our lists of something we love to do. It’s why we call them ‘difficult’. And yet, difficult conversations have to happen for the benefit of ourselves, others, culture, and society. Difficult conversations can be rooted in many intentions. The hope for this post is that the intention is rooted in the desire to build better relationships, bring about change for the better, and grow as people. If those are our intentions, we have a good base for engaging in difficult conversations. However, if those are not our intentions and our intentions are to cause harm, then we are not in a place to engage in difficult conversations. Instead, that means we may need to do some healing work of our own.
Once we have our base, it becomes about crafting the words and challenging ourselves. Sometimes the hardest step is working up the courage and/or strength to have the conversation. That hesitation can be because of fear, lack of skills, or maybe even because we can’t stand the thought of causing pain or conflict. All are fair. No judgment. So what does that mean? It means that we must come back to our intention and remember why we are having this difficult conversation, and challenge our own fears, thoughts, and judgments. Where did these fears, thoughts, and judgments come from? That process is not always easy, either. Though it is worth the time and exploration because this is where we can find out if there are any false beliefs we need to work through, identify areas for skill development and growth, or explore the difference between intent and impact. It may feel intense because it is like holding a mirror up to yourself and asking you to look at yourself deeply. Once we can work through that process, and it may take some time or several tries (which is okay!), then it is time to have that difficult conversation.
As we are all aware, conversations don’t usually go according to plan. We can’t always guess the outcome. And perhaps it is better that way because it asks us to engage in the moment, which is to each of our advantages. It allows us to be active listeners and pay attention to verbal and nonverbal cues from the person we are conversing with, which can support these conversations. Furthermore, it allows us to notice our own experiences so that we can continue to come from our good intentions and not from a place of reaction so that we are acting from the best parts of ourselves. If we have these conversations from that place, then instead of driving a wedge, we can build a better world for all of us through connection and caring.
Take Action Today Moment:
Consider looking at your patterns around having difficult conversations. Are you an avoider? Are you a people pleaser? Or any other type of pattern? Begin there because that will give insight into the areas you need to focus on. If fear is part of your pattern and you avoid conversations, for example, that is excellent information to know so that you begin to first acknowledge the fear, understand its role, and then begin to work with it. Remember, there is a place for first acknowledging and understanding fear's role. Don’t skip acknowledgment and understanding, no matter what the pattern.
Learn More About Having Difficult Conversations:
Difficult Conversations: The "What Happened?" Conversation (#1 Of 4)
How To Handle Difficult Conversations At Work
Crucial Conversations: 10 Tips for Handling Difficult Conversations with Family
Action versus Reaction
Our bodies are naturally made for both action and reaction. But what is the difference, and why do we need both? Why might we want to be mindful of how we use both?
Reaction
When we see a ball come flying toward our faces, we naturally react to move so we don’t get hit. Makes sense! Our bodies naturally react without us having to consciously process what is happening so that we move quickly. If we had to stop and consciously process what was happening, it would be too late, and the ball would make contact with our faces. Chances are, we can all think of a bunch of examples.
Action
Action has a lot of connotations. In the case of this post, we are looking at action as making a conscious choice about our actions and not falling into reaction. Now in the case of the ball, this system would not be helpful. So let’s take a look at a different scenario. When we are at work, school, or home and we have an activity we need to do, we may plan that process out. We think about the process or the steps needed to take that action. That could be cooking dinner, fixing a broken appliance, cleaning the house, etc. Albeit, some of this may happen on autopilot, depending on the person. But the point is that we choose to take action. Again, we have a system that makes sense and serves a purpose.
Now that we have our definitions to ground the rest of the post, let’s look at a different scenario.
Imagine you are conversing with a friend, colleague, family member, or another person in your life. Next, imagine that something the person says triggers you, and you become upset/angry/sad. In that state, you fly off the handle and maybe say something that you didn’t mean or react with a behavior that you didn’t intend. It just happens. You reacted in the moment instead of consciously acting in the situation. Chances are the situation doesn’t get better when you react instead of act.
There are many reasons why we react in situations where it may not best serve us. It could be from intense emotion or trauma, as a couple of examples. In the case of emotion or trauma, chances are we are not engaged in the thinking part of our brain and are instead engaging our lower brain structures. Both the thinking part of our brain and the lower structures of the brain are made for survival and have a purpose, and we need to honor those purposes. Once we have done that, we can look at how we can better use reaction and action in the appropriate situations.
The best place to begin is to start to notice our patterns of behavior and thoughts. Easier said than done some days. Though, as we begin to engage in this process, we can help cultivate our inner witness instead of our self-critic. This also relates to holding this process with self-compassion and curiosity about why rather than judgment. Once you have begun to notice patterns, you can begin to make some choices about how you may want to begin working on engaging in action instead of reaction. It may mean seeking out professional support, working on it with a friend or partner, or even doing some internal exploration to begin to slow down to change patterns. As everyone could guess, there is more to it than the above. This post is meant to help us all begin to think and decide for ourselves how to proceed rather than being told the best way is this way. Everyone has different patterns and experiences that are individual to them, which makes each journey unique.
Take Action Today Moment:
Many actions were shared above in the post; however, there is one other piece that we could consider here. The most enormous ask is choosing to notice our patterns. That is a commitment that takes time and energy. We must step in willingly, knowing that the process will not always be easy.
Learn More about Actions versus Reaction:
The Masks We Wear
The masks we wear.
The faces we present to the world.
We all wear masks or have faces that we present.
“The Japanese say we have three faces. The first face, you show to the world. The second face, you show to your close friends and family. The third face, you never show anyone. It is the truest reflection of who you are.”
- Unknown
We all wear masks. They come in many different shapes, sizes, colors, combinations, flexibilities, and depths. They also come with different levels of attachment that we have to them. The quote above is impactful. It speaks to how we have evolved in the world. We have different faces or masks, and which one we decide to wear depends on the situation. Then we come to the last line, which acknowledges the face we never show anyone. That true self that we protect and guard and don’t show to people. The true self that is also beautiful in all of its facets, whether we think it is or not. Our inner critic and potentially any other ideas we have adopted from the world around us may tell us it isn’t, so we guard and protect.
Carl Jung, the Swiss psychiatrist and psychoanalyst who founded analytical psychology, provides another perspective that we may want to consider.
“The persona is a complicated system of relations between the individual consciousness and society, fittingly enough a kind of mask, designed on the one hand to make a definite impression upon others, and, on the other, to conceal the true nature of the individual.“
- Jung
What Jung is speaking about is how we develop our personalities so that we not only stay connected to our nature, but so that we also adapt and engage with the social and environmental demands that constantly surround us. The adaptations that we make are what Jung called the persona. Again, we come across the theme of how we interact with the world and how we connect to ourselves.
Wearing masks, having a persona, or presenting a different face at different times can serve a purpose. Below are just two examples.
Protection - Not all situations may be safe, and we must protect ourselves.
Adaptation - We all grow up in unique environments, and we grow and adapt to our environment.
Then there are times when wearing masks, having a persona, or presenting a different face to the world can be problematic.
When We Use the Wrong Mask - Since we have many different masks or faces that we use in different situations, we may use the wrong mask accidentally or intentionally. The consequences could be hurtful to the people around us and/or to ourselves because we become misaligned with the people and the situation.
When We Become Rigid - Sometimes, we can become rigid with our masks or faces and lose our ability to be flexible. Being rigid causes us to lose connection with others and ourselves and hinders the ability to shift with changing circumstances.
Identification With and/or We Ignore Our True Self - We can become so attached to our masks or faces, whether for survival, comfort, or concealment, that we lose touch with our true selves. While being vulnerable can be scary, that is where we find a true connection. Note of caution. If we are in a place where we need to focus on survival, then maybe we need to acknowledge this identification and find support.
Take Action Today Moment:
Explore the masks/faces that you show to the world! This can be done through writing, a conversation with a family member, or in another creative manner. You can draw the different faces. You can go to a craft store, find cheap masks, and paint them. No matter what method you take, pay attention to how you respond to each mask when you reflect on them. Then explore more of the characteristics of each mask. Do the masks have names? Do they have a particular character? Do they have a particular language or vocabulary? Do they have movement patterns? You will be surprised at what you learn.
During this process, please remember to honor your true self as well. It is always there, and it needs your attention as well.
Patience Shows Up in Many Situations
Many of us have probably heard about patience's importance since we were little. Maybe we heard the phrase, “patience is a virtue.” And It seems that patience continues to be essential and emphasized as we transition into adulthood. Why? Has anyone really asked the question about ‘why’? We are not talking about the surficial ‘why’ of because we spend so much time waiting in many aspects of life. This ‘why’ is more focused on how patience benefits us beyond the surface reasons. The surface reasons being that we wait in line, wait for food to cook, etc.
Patience shows up in many other ways in our lives and serves a purpose. We will briefly explore a few of the many ways.
Good Leadership
There is so much that could be said about leadership, as so many facets go into good leadership. When it comes to patience, however, a leader needs patience constantly. Leaders need to not only be patient with people but with themselves and then figure out how to balance both. When it comes to people, this involves learning to be patient with different communication styles and experiences and being able to hear people out and look more profoundly beyond the surface into the process and the underlying mechanisms.
Goals Achievement
Goals do not necessarily happen overnight. They involve work, effort, time, thought, belief, and support. While this list is not all-encompassing, it asks us to be patient with ourselves, the process, and the crafting of the steps to reach the goal.
Strategic Thinking
If we constantly rush around, like many of us do in daily life, we miss the opportunity to look at the bigger picture and be strategic about our choices, actions, and decisions. To be strategic, we need to slow down and be patient because strategic thinking requires us to look at many pieces of the puzzle (aka. situation, for example) and play with the different arrangements to find the best outcome. This process is not always easy and may take some time, depending on the puzzle, which is where patience serves us well to persevere through the process.
Better Mental Health
Patience is linked to better mental health. There is research to back this up! Even if we simply use common sense, we could see how this would be the case with a simple example. If someone didn’t have patience, imagine the stress of simply standing in a line or waiting for the food to cook. After a while, that stress would build up, and the stress would increase and could become harmful. Again, this a simple example, but one that could quickly happen.
Better Connection Opportunities with Others
Building connections with other people takes time! To get to know people means that we need to invest time and ourselves into the process. Again a process that requires patience and not an overnight experience. Furthermore, others tend to enjoy being with more patient people. It can be emotionally draining or a connection disrupter to be around someone who lacks patience. Our behavior impacts people on multiple levels.
We briefly touched on each of the above ways that patience shows up in our lives. There is so much more that can be said, and hopefully, we will continue to explore how these each show up in our lives so that we connect and make them more meaningful individually.
Take Action Today Moment:
Think of other ways that patience shows up in your life. Below are three additional suggestions to help get you started. There are many more that you could add to this. Take some time to write about, draw, or move your thoughts, as a couple of examples.
Better Decisions
Collaboration
Helping Others Reach Their Goals
Learn More About Resilience:
Resilience - A Birth Right!
Thinking about the concept of resilience can be mind-boggling because of the enormity of the concept and its potential to feel like such an abstract concept. So let’s take it back to an image. In our mind's eye, let’s travel to a simpler time when playing with a ball was something we could all do just for fun with no expectations, judgments, or preconceived ideas. If people out there are lucky enough to still be experiencing this, bring these current experiences. In either case, step into that image and feeling. What images, thoughts, and feelings come to mind? While exploring, watch the ball that is bouncing. Notice how it freely bounces when it hits the ground, the wall, or an object. Then notice how the ball returns to its shape after flattening for a brief period at the instant it hits or maybe when it is caught. These processes seem to happen so naturally. Enjoy this image for another brief moment before coming back to the present.
Why venture into an image such as the ball bouncing? Because resilience is like that bouncing ball. It happens naturally in our bodies, minds, and spirit. It is an innate part of being human. Then somewhere along life’s journey, some of us have experiences that cloud or distort this natural ability to different degrees. It happens. Still lingering underneath, however, is that natural ability, that innate ability. It lives even in the darkest of times. Resilience remains present and accessible to us. During those dark times, resilience seems hard to find and access. Yes, it may be, and still, it is there. Accessing resilience asks us all to be creative and trust that we are capable, even when the environment may be saying something completely different.
Starting with believing that resilience is there is the first step. The second step is being willing to engage in the journey to acknowledge when we are experiencing resilience, even when it may seem so small, and to be vulnerable to rediscover our resilience if it feels lost. In either case, this process may not feel easy. It takes courage and persistence. Then the third step is to embrace resilience and fully own it. In some cultures, we are often taught to focus on our flaws and mistakes so that we instead work towards achieving perfection. We are not necessarily taught that mistakes are beautiful and resilience is a gift. So why would we find it essential to own our resilience unless there were specific circumstances that necessitated it? What might the world be like if we all embraced resilience and celebrated our innate ability? Perhaps we might be able to not only begin to honor ourselves and our journeys, but also begin to see that we have the power to change the world for the better so that others may not have to experience some of the pain, stress, and hardship.
Take Action Today Moment:
Give voice to your resilience! Begin by turning inward and seeing if you can identify where in your body your resilience lives. It sounds funny and may seem awkward at first. Give it a try. You might surprise yourself. You may find that your resilience has a shape, color, texture, a unique movement or rhythm, and energy. Once you have identified your resilience, acknowledge it and let it know that you appreciate it. From here, you can engage in the steps identified above or spend some more time exploring what resilience means to you.
Learn More About Resilience:
23 Resilience Building Activities & Exercises for Adults
American Psychological Association - Resilience
We Don’t Always Know Our Impact
Everyone makes an impact in this world! It is true. Here are the pieces that we don’t always think about - the impacts that we make that we don’t see or don’t even know about. This is a topic that many of us forget about in our daily lives. It’s easy to do so in such a fast paced world. For a brief moment let us slow down and begin with a story. A dear friend shared the following.
Alan and his spouse were with some friends one night at a concert in a venue where people could dance in front of the stage. As the night went along they were having a good time enjoying themselves when Alan’s spouse saw a person in the corner who appeared to be lonely and not there with any other people. She encouraged Alan to go ask this person to dance. Agreeing with his spouse, Alan asked this person to dance. After the song they were dancing to was over, they shared with Alan that he had just saved her life. After the concert was over the person had planned to die by suicide and by Alan having asked them to dance they changed their mind.
We truly don’t know how our actions impact others. In the story above, Alan was fortunate to hear how his actions made an impact. We are not always that fortunate to hear or see, but that does not mean we have not left a mark or changed a life. Impacting people can happen in any role in our life, whether we are in a helping profession or not or whether we are directly engaged in work with people. Moments that may seem innocuous can also be of larger impact than we know. Words, actions, a smile, or a gentle presence all have potential.
Why bring this idea up? Because as the seasons begin to change now is a great opportunity to reflect on the people in our own lives that have made an impact. Who are these people? What did they do? How did they make an impact? This is also a great time to reflect on the choices we make and think about how they impact ourselves and others. All of these are heavy concepts and guaranteed to be worth your time.
One final thought. If you are lucky enough to see the impact you have made in someone’s life, cherish that and remember that by being your authentic self you have the power to make the world a better place.
Take Action Today Moment:
Here are a few ideas to inspire your reflections.
Tell someone how they have impacted you. Consider writing a handwritten note, calling someone on the phone, or meeting them in-person (if safe to do so) and let them hear directly from you how they have impacted your life. Email works as well if none of the other options are possible.
Create an art piece or engage in a journal activity about what you would like to give to the world. Take it a step further and be more specific. How would you like people to feel after interacting with you? Do you want people to feel inspired, uplifted, etc.?
Ask someone in your life what kind of impact that you have had on them. You might be surprised to learn something new.
Fall Traditions
On the 22nd of this month, the September equinox marked the beginning of fall in the Northern Hemisphere. Different cultures worldwide have different ways of honoring and celebrating the changing of the seasons. We will explore a few of them and their traditions in the hopes of drawing on them to inspire our own imaginations about what fall traditions can be in our own lives.
The ancient Greeks linked the transition into fall with the story of Persephone. Abducted by Hades from her mother, Demeter, the harvest goddess, she was taken to the underworld to marry Hades, the god of the underworld. Devoted to retrieving her daughter Demeter eventually was successful, but for only nine months of the year. During the other three months, Persephone returns to the underworld. During that time, Demeter refuses to use her skills to ensure plant growth. This is why the ancient Greeks believed winter arose.
Mayan culture speaks about the precise moment of the equinox when the Sun's light is directly on the equator. At the moment, the "snake of sunlight" slithers down the stairs of one of the main pyramids at Chichen Itza, Mexico. The temple's construction was based on astronomical calculations to determine the precise angle to build the staircase.
The Buddhists in Japan honor the September equinox and the March equinox by celebrating Higan. Meaning "other shore," Higan also refers to the spirits of the dead reaching Nirvana. During this period, the dead are remembered and honored by people when they visit, clean, and decorate their ancestors’ graves. Beginning in the Meiji period, both equinoxes have become national holidays.
The Mid-Autumn Festival, also called the Moon Festival, is celebrated by both Chinese and Vietnamese communities on the day of the Harvest Moon. The Harvest Moon is considered to be the moon closest to the September equinox. During the festival, the summer harvest abundance is honored as people serve mooncakes filled with lotus, sesame seeds, a duck egg, or dried fruits.
As part of the Hindu culture, Navaratri is a several-day celebration that occurs in autumn to honor the divine feminine Devi (Durga). Traditionally celebrated in the first half of the Hindu calendar month Ashvin, it usually falls in the months of September and/or October.
These are some of the many traditions from around the world. Each one is beautiful, unique, and sacred. Traditions arise for a reason and continue to be a part of our lives in many different forms. Traditions are also represented during times like birthdays, holidays, graduations, funerals, and many others. They serve a purpose in our lives, like marking transitions and honoring them. They also become familiar and can give us meaning.
While the transition into the fall season is usually marked by back to school for some or by taking measures to change our settings for watering or switching our thermostats from air conditioning to heat, maybe instead try to invite some of the wisdom from the past into the present. We often rush right through transitions instead of slowing down to pay attention and can miss some of the lessons and beauty. Transition can bring with it loss, joy, uncertainty, opportunity to remember, and can invite space for the scared. This fall season, consider inviting tradition into your life, whether it be a new tradition that you begin with friends or family or whether you resurrect past cultural or familial traditions. Traditions can be fun, serious, playful, or reverent and everything in between as long as they mean something to you.
Take Action Today Moment:
Take some time to learn about some of your own family traditions and/or cultural traditions. You might be surprised at what you learn.
Craft and create your tradition or traditions. They do not have to be significant, lavish events. They can be simple and special. There really is no limitation to what your tradition can look like as long as it is safe and meaningful. For example, maybe you start a tradition of going to look at fall leaves every year, or you take a mindful walk along the river looking at the leaves. Or you can go find a festival happening in your neighborhood.
Learn More About Fall Traditions:
Customs Around the September Equinox
The descent of the serpent in the Chichen Itza Equinox
How Different Countries in Asia Celebrate the Mid-Autumn Festival
In Honor of World Alzheimer’s Day
Every September we take the time to acknowledge Alzheimer’s Disease and the impact that it has on our world. Whether everyone has a direct connection or not to this horrible disease, there is something that we all can agree on. Memories are precious.
Alzheimer’s Disease is a type of dementia but is not a normal part of aging. The disease is marked by two abnormal structures. Beta-amyloid plaques are the first structure. These deposits build up in the spaces between nerve cells. Tau tangles are the second structure and are twists of fibers that build up inside the nerve cell. Without diving too much into details and the process, the point is that this disease destroys memories.
For both the people who are diagnosed with Alzheimer’s Disease and the family, friends, and caregivers of those diagnosed, it is hard, painful, and devastating. To not remember your own family or what one did that day. To have your loved one not remember who you are. To find that one day you don’t remember your own children. To have your loved one potentially yell at you, thinking that you are a stranger. These moments leave lasting impressions.
While there is much more to say on the topic of Alzheimer’s Disease, it is time to return to the point that opened this blog post. Memories are precious. Every day our brains are busy making memories. Not every event in our lives is turned into a memory because, let’s face it, we don’t need to remember every time we brush our teeth or comb our hair. This process happens naturally, thanks to our amazing brains. There are times when we consciously work to make memories, like when we are learning a new skill. Though, for the most part, our brains are hard at work so that when we want to remember an event, person, or time, we can access it.
There are memories that we love to call up because they remind us of the good times and the people we care about. Then there are memories that we would rather forget because they may be traumatizing. Additionally, some memories may not elicit much feeling or reaction but exist because they touched us in some other way. While maybe not all our memories are pleasant, they exist because our bodies were designed to allow us to remember. Remembering is a gift that we often take for granted because memory formation happens so “easily.”
As we move through this month and the months following, take a moment to appreciate the gift that remembering can be. And, remember all those who may not have that ability anymore. Memories are precious. Let’s find a way to honor and acknowledge the gift that memory is to our lives.
Take Action Today Moment:
For this month and into the future, take some time to consider the role that memories and the ability to remember play a role in your life. You can do some journaling, drawing, movement, or even have a conversation with someone you trust. Reflect on what life may be like if you couldn’t remember people, places, or special times in your life. Also, reflect on how memories serve you in moments that you may not think of. Then see if you can acknowledge and bring gratitude for the process of memory making. Please add other questions and reflections to this list to aid your process.
Learn More About World Alzheimer’s Month:
September is World Alzheimer's Month
Learn More About Alzheimer’s Disease:
Know and Acknowledge Your Value
We are all born with unique gifts that only we can bring to this world. It’s true! What one person brings to this world, another person cannot. Then as we journey through life, we learn skills, whether through formal education or through informal means such as life experiences, which can have just as much value as formal education. So we continue to add experience, knowledge, and wisdom. For those of us who like visual images, envision a quilt where each life experience is another shape or color that is added. Ultimately, we all end up with very different quilts that do not look like anyone else’s. That unique combination is valuable, lends a unique perspective only that person can bring, and is also very much needed in this world.
Now we can potentially go many ways from here. Maybe in the future we will pick on a few other directions that we don’t explore today. However, for this post, there are two ways that we are going to explore. The first is the value everyone brings to the world in honor of September being Suicide Prevention Awareness Month. Thoughts such as, “People would be better off if I wasn’t here,” or “I am a waste of space,” can crop up in people’s minds, especially when they are in pain. These are words that feel true to some at the moment, and yet these words are not true because there are people who care, and the world would not be better off without them. Many people work in the world of suicide prevention because they truly believe that everyone matters. They would not work day in and day out if they didn’t believe. Other people may not directly work in the field of suicide prevention but contribute and advocate because they believe as well. Now let’s come back to the unique quilts. No one’s unique quilt can be replaced by anyone else. That means the unique perspective we each bring is needed here in this world. It has value because it cannot be replaced, and there is wisdom in each perspective we bring.
The second direction that this blog will acknowledge is how, whether unintentionally or intentionally, we undercut our value and forget to speak up when we know that we have something to offer. It is super easy to fall into this trap. We may be people-pleasing, thinking we are being humble or potentially don’t believe that we have value. There is a difference between humility, for example, and not speaking up. Being humble means that we know that we have value and choose, for various reasons, not to speak up. Not speaking up, in general, instead means we don’t see our value. There is a distinct difference! Those unique quits have specific talents and skills that only that quilt has, and they can contribute beautiful things to this world. Speaking up and advocating is essential!
In the end, remember that everyone has value, including you! Remind yourself of that and be there for others who may need that reminder. You may find that you improve your own life and maybe also save a life.
Take Action Today Moment:
If you are creatively inclined, consider drawing a picture of your quilt, or if you have quilting skills, make that quilt. Once it is completed, hang your art piece or quilt in a place you see as a reminder.
You can also do something similar through writing or even having a conversation with another person. Sometimes other people can help catch us when we start to undercut our value.
Learn More About Suicide Prevention Awareness Month:
Stop Apologizing
Stop apologizing. Yes, that is correct. Stop apologizing. How often do we hear those words? Probably, not often. Now that everyone is taken off guard, it is time to explain. Stop apologizing for being you! This type of apologizing has an incredibly sneaky way of showing up, and when they do, and we give into them, we chip away at our belief in ourselves.
Let’s talk about the purpose of an apology. An apology is meant to be used when we make a mistake or when we injure another person, for example. They are meant to make sincere amends and show regret for an injury or damage we may have caused. Apologies are also meant to learn more about what we can do to make those amends. Now let me come back to the phrase stop apologizing for being you. Do we need to apologize for “being a mistake”? No, because we are not mistakes. We are beautiful just the way we are. Do we need to apologize because there may be a belief that people regret that we are here because of who we are? Again, the answer is no. We need to understand that in no way do we need to apologize for being here. We have every right to be here and be ourselves. We have unique gifts and talents that we bring to this world, and the world needs our unique gifts and talents. Hopefully, by now, we all are on the same page. There is no need to apologize for who we are.
It is so easy to jump to apologizing. Sometimes it feels like it is ingrained in our DNA because of how well we have learned and practiced apologizing. Let’s look at an example. Often people will jump to apologize when they share their requested thoughts either right before or right after preemptively, which undercuts what they were trying to share. What does that convey to people and ourselves? Stop apologizing for being you. While this seems like a “minor” example, think of how these minor examples build up and how they slowly make an impact.
None of this is to say that we stop apologizing in general. There is still a time and place for making amends and apologizing. We are not perfect and do make mistakes. It happens. One relevant topic regarding apologizing, in general, is intent versus impact. Intent is what we think we are doing, while impact is how our actions are perceived by others. We can have a great intent; however, the impact may not land as we hoped it would. That is when an apology is necessary to make amends. This is still very different from apologizing for who we are. Though now we are beginning to see, one, how complicated this topic can genuinely get, and two, how easy it can be to fall into apologizing for being us.
While unlearning a habit like apologizing for being us is hard, it is possible. Spend time each day practicing and bringing awareness to how it shows up. Habits can change when we acknowledge them and put energy into doing things differently.
Take Action Today Moment:
Here are some suggestions to help you to stop apologizing for being you.
Find a community or people who build you up and will gently let you know when we are falling into apologizing for being you. It not only helps to be around people who like and love you for you, but it also can be helpful to have others help notice when you fall into patterns.
Seek support if needed from a professional.
Write a mantra/a reminder or draw a picture that you can place somewhere that you can see that reminds of how beautiful you are.
Remember your gifts and/or write them down so that you can pull out the list when you are having a tough moment.
Remember that you still need to apologize in appropriate situations but not for being you!
Learn More:
Success and Failure: What is Your View?
For most people, success and failure conjure up some pretty specific images of what each is to them. Chances are these images have many influences on how they were created over time. Family may have helped craft these definitions and images. Culture and society may have some strong influence. Life experiences may also have something to say. And this list could continue, as there are many potential influences on how we define success and failure. Once we internalize these influences, they feel like they become part of us. Some much so that more often than not, we can’t tell what is actually ours and what we internalized from other sources.
Now that we have our definitions and images of success and failure, we add a few other elements and concepts into the mix. The first is our own internal critic or self-judgment when we feel that we have met our definition of failure. This piece of us beats us up, berates us, and reminds us that we didn’t reach our definition of success. So now, with an element of judgment coming into play, we not only compound how we feel, but we miss the opportunity to invite in self-compassion. The next element that comes into play is a skewed perspective. We all have our perspectives. One person’s might be more like rose-colored glasses while another one person’s might look like blue-colored glasses. These different perspectives have also been shaped over time by experiences and outside influences. We essentially don’t have a clear view of success and failure and how we look at them. Now we have judgment and lack a clear view of intervening in our experiences of success and failure.
There are two more elements and concepts that need to be covered. Before we cover them, please don’t despair! To find our way to the other side, we need to uncover all of these elements so that we can work with them. There is always hope! Our next concept is that of fear, specifically the fear of being judged as a failure or worthless. Fear can be paralyzing, blinding, and cause us to leave our frontal lobe and dive directly into our brain stem to find survival mode. When we are in survival mode, we aren’t thinking clearly. We are focused on survival and protection. While fear and survival mode serves a purpose, this is not the time to let fear drive our actions, but it can happen. Finally, many of us can’t stand feeling vulnerable. It can be one of the scariest places that has also been shaped by many voices and experiences. When we lose our willingness to be vulnerable, we lose our ability to be genuine and authentic and honor that we are not perfect beings.
Now that we have unearthed some of these elements and concepts that join the mix when we examine success and failure, we don’t find hopelessness! What we find is a path to redefining success and failure to be less rigid and more fluid to the point where we can see that failure is not necessarily a bad thing, and success is not perfection, for example. Our path asks us to invite self-compassion and our inner witness, be open to vulnerability, and to not allow fear to rule.
Now that we know that there are layers and ways to address them, it is time to take action. Here are a few other key ideas to keep in mind. Failure can be success from a different perspective because we have learned something. Success doesn’t have to be big and loud. It can be quiet and gentle. Success doesn’t have to be defined by society. You can define it. And finally, fail often. Sometimes with failure, we fail in the service of learning.
Take Action Today Moment:
Now it is time for you to begin your journey of self-reflection. Begin by thinking of your definition of success and failure and writing it down. Now what influences have there been in the creation of your definitions? Once you have completed your definitions, review a success and failure in your life and write down what went through your mind and body during the process of both. See if you can identify where some of the discussed elements and concepts come up for you. Then look for ways that you can instead invite self-compassion, your inner witness, be open to vulnerability, and to not allow fear to rule. See below for some additional reading on some of these concepts.
Have faith in yourself! You have the skills for this exploration!
Learn More:
Are You Really Listening?
What happens in your body when you read the title of this blog post? What goes on in your mind? What reactions do you have? The hope is that you have or had some type of reaction. Why? Because we are generally taught from an early age how to listen, and we think that we have it down pretty well into adulthood. Though, it may not be the case that we have the practice of listening down in adulthood. Today’s post might challenge what we think we know about listening with a very important purpose that we will discover at the end.
What are we generally taught? We are taught that listening is taking in what someone else says to us. From a communication perspective, there is responsibility on the part of the communicator and the person listening to make sure the meaning comes across clearly. There are also the different communication styles passive, aggressive, passive-aggressive, and assertive. If you would like to learn more about the different communication styles, please see below for a link to read more. So we do learn a lot about communication and listening! That isn’t the issue. What we don’t practice, learn, or embody is the human element of listening and communication.
Here are a few differences that we need to cover before moving on to delve deeper into listening.
Hearing
When we are hearing someone we are simply taking in the words that they are saying without much thought, awareness, or attention. We can easily hear what someone is saying or think we are hearing what someone is saying. The key takeaways from understanding hearing are that we simply take words in and we think we hear what someone else is saying.
Listening
When we are listening we take it one step further and not only hear what someone is saying but we are also active in the process versus passive. We are processing what is being shared and we take action based on what we hear. We strive to understand what someone is trying to convey and respond to or reflect what is being shared. The key takeaways here are that listening is active and there is engagement of both the speaker and listener.
Deep Listening
Deep listening is something altogether different. Deep listening builds on active listening and embeds other skills, such as empathy and compassion. Additionally, one understands that there is a need to be aware of body language in conjunction with the verbal and strives to identify the emotion and feeling behind what is being shared. Sounds like a tall order! That’s because it is. This type of listening is challenging for a few reasons. One is because we tend to react instead of act. Another is because we bring our past patterns around listening into the present moment. And third, we bring our traumas into interactions. Most of this happens unconsciously which makes it hard to identify. The key takeaways about deep listening are that this type of listening means that we are fully engaging with others, looking for what is being conveyed beneath the words, and actively bringing our human abilities of empathy and compassion
In today’s world we are so busy worrying about everything we have to accomplish or ensuring that our agendas are met. In that worry, something is lost - the value of connection and the value of someone else. If we start to listen deeply instead of hearing or actively listening we may just find that tense situations may not escalate, we find out that someone is hurting, or that we have a kindred spirit, to name a few potentialities. There are potentially many others that exist and we will experience them in the process. Hopefully, we all consider giving deep listening a try. What if we all engage in deep listening? What might a world look like?
Take Action Today Moment:
Here are a couple suggestions to help you begin the process of exploring deep listening. Take ego out of the picture. Again, this can be easier said than done because our ego can demand a lot of attention. In deep listening, maybe consider giving it a break. Another thought is do some work to learn more about your wounds and traumas around communication and listening. We often don’t think about these wounds and traumas, but they do get activated in interactions. Seek out a trusted support individual, therapist, or do some self-reflection.
Remember to invite self-compassion in this process. This practice may be challenging at first and you may make mistakes. That is okay. It is about continuing to practice.
Articles Referenced in the Blog Post:
Understanding Your Communication Style
Learn More About Active Listening:
Use Active Listening Skills to Coach Others
What if You Had___?
Today is going to look a little different. Today we are going to explore some questions in hopes of learning more about ourselves and areas that we may need to give a little tender loving care. The way this is going to work is we will read a couple of different questions with follow up questions associated with each one. Then we will be asked to explore, via thought, writing, art, movement, etc., what comes up for you. After that we will do a little review around why this exercise. Please don’t read the bottom before completing the top!
Here we go with the first question.
What if you had 24 hours to do anything that you would consider nourishing to your body and soul?
What would you do?
How would you feel?
What would be challenging about having this 24 hours?
What would be easy about having this 24 hours?
Now that you have read the questions, take some time to reflect. Engage in writing, art, movement, poetry, or anything else that works for you to see what emerges for you. Give yourself the time and space for this exploration. It doesn’t have to be a ton of time, but enough so that you can do some thoughtful introspection. When you are ready, transition to the next question.
What if you had 24 hours to do anything that could help humanity for the better?
What would you do?
How would you feel?
What outcomes would you like to see?
What would be the hardest part of the 24 hours?
What would be the most fulfilling part of the 24 hours?
Having read the question, take some time to reflect. Engage in writing, art, movement, poetry, or anything else that works for you to see what emerges for you. Give yourself the time and space for this exploration. Again, it doesn’t have to be a ton of time but enough so that you can delve into the sensation. As you feel ready, transition to the next question.
What if you had 24 hours to check off as much stuff from your to do list as you could?
What would you check off?
How would you feel?
When you looked back at the end of the 24 hours what would you like to have seen accomplished?
Now it is time to reflect on this question. Engage in writing, art, movement, poetry, or anything else that works for you to see what emerges for you. As before, give yourself the time and space for this exploration. Not necessarily a ton of time but enough so that you can explore. When you feel complete, transition to the last question.
If you had 24 hours to spend with anyone or any group of people, who or whom would you spend it with?
What would you do together?
How would you feel?
What impact would that experience have on you?
For the final time today, reflect on this question. Engage in writing, art, movement, poetry, or anything else that works for you to see what emerges for you. Again, give yourself the time and space for this exploration. Remember, it doesn’t have to be a ton of time, but enough so that you can do some exploration. When you have finished your exploration of this question, continue reading.
There are a couple of ideas that we can take away from this experience. First, what if questions have the power to hurt us in certain situations. On the flip side, they can also allow us to dream and engage in a journey to encourage meaning in our lives. Many of us have heard the following question. “What would you do if you knew you could not fail?” There can be freedom in the “if” depending on what we do with the “ifs” in life. Another idea that we can take is where we put our energy. Maybe if people struggled with the first question about taking care of ourselves but found the to-do list question rather easy, it is a sign that your energy is directed more in that direction. There was never a right or wrong answer to any of the questions. They were meant to encourage everyone to explore and find areas where we need to spend more time exploring. There are so many facets of ourselves and the overarching question is, are we spending time honoring the ones we want or are we spending too much focusing on what we think we should be?
Hopefully, this exercise was thought provoking and encourages us all to reflect.
Take Action Today Moment:
The above was all about action. Now that you have completed the exercise, take some time to recuperate. Maybe that is drinking a cup of tea, going for a run, or playing the guitar. Sometimes learning needs the time and space for integration.
Risk Tasking is a ____ (You will have to read further to find the answer.)
How often have we heard sayings, thoughts, and musings about taking risks in life? Probably more times than we could count on both hands. Taking risks in life is a topic that can’t be covered in a blog post, nor could a full book cover the entirety of the topic. Why? Because there are so many different pieces, parts, parallels, etc. that go into taking risks in life. It is a truly complex topic and life journey. So what could you possibly read here that will help after reading the above? Risks are a privilege!
What does it mean to say that risks are a privilege? Many people in this world don’t have the ability to take risks for safety reasons, for example. If they were to take a risk, it may jeopardize their life, their family, or their livelihood. We often take for granted that we can take risks and assume they will always be available to us even if we don’t take them. None of this negates the fact that taking risks is challenging and still requires courage. Instead, this reminds us that the ability to take risks is a gift and a piece of the risk-taking process we need to remember and honor. Maybe in that process, we will give risks another chance in our lives and potentially use them in the service of others to provide them the same opportunities we have.
So how can we apply the above in our life journey? We can start by looking at our current view of risk-taking. What have we learned from experience, our families, friends, professional lives, and society? Then we can look at our actions around risk-taking. That means evaluating how we currently interact with risks and what our actions have been in the past. There is a lot to learn in this process, and what we may find may reveal patterns, trends, and influences that we may not have considered. Be mindful, however, not to get stuck in the past and let judgment rear its ugly head. Hold this process with self-compassion. This is just exploration.
When ready, start to think about how we can use what was learned to inform future decisions about risk-taking. For example, during the exploration process, did a pattern of not knowing how to take risks emerge? That might mean a search is needed to learn how to take risks. Another example could be that someone belittled that decision every time a risk was taken. In that case maybe finding some support from a counselor, spiritual leader, or other helping individual may be necessary.
Finally, we arrive at the point of practicing taking risks remembering what we learned in the discovery process. Remember, this is a lifelong journey, so leave any expectations of mastery and perfection at the door. As you engage in the practice of risk-taking, remember that taking risks is a privilege that, no matter what happens, the ability to take that risk is a joy and reward. Again, that does not mean there will not be a sting or consequence if the risk was not successful and that uncomfortable emotions need to be left unvalidated.
Best of luck to us all as we continue on our journey! We are on this journey together!
Take Action Today Moment:
Try the above process or find someone that can support you on your risk journey so that you are not on this journey alone. Support can help. No matter what route you take, invite self-compassion in the process.
Say No for Better Mental Health
When children are first learning the English language, oftentimes one of their first words is the word no. They use it all the time, even when they mean yes. It seems to come out so easily. Then, somewhere along the journey of life, many of us appear to lose that seemingly effortless ‘no’. There are potentially many reasons that this happens, but that is not necessarily the focus of this post. Rather, the focus is on regaining that ability to say ‘no’ for our own mental health.
In some cultures, the expectation is that we are constantly busy and need to stay that way. Translation - say yes to almost everything so that we can maintain that appearance of being the best at handling everything! The first question that we must ask ourselves then is, is taking so much on worth it? The second question is, how is my mental health being negatively affected? Chances are the answer to the first question is no and the second question's answer is a list of consequences.
Being constantly busy may not be worth it. What is worth your time and investment is yourself! We don’t need to be the constantly busy person. Instead, we need to be ourselves and make time for the things in our life that mean something to us like self-care, friends, family, etc. Insert what means something to you here.
How do we go about using the word ‘no’ more in our lives to potentially gain better mental health and the freedom to not always be busy? We change our perspective about using the word no. First, when we say ‘no’ we may think we are letting someone else down. Which may be the case. However, that is not the whole picture. When we say ‘no’, we give others the opportunity to say ‘yes’. If we had said ‘yes’, instead of ‘no’, they may have missed an opportunity. The other perspective shift is honoring yourself to know your boundaries, limits, and what you can commit to and still do the best possible work to accomplish the task.
In no way does working to say ‘no’ more often mean that it is okay to be mean about it. Rather, it tasks us to be assertive while being clear and polite. It also asks us to be honest during the process with ourselves and potentially why we are saying ‘no’. Easier to say, to read, or to write, than to do. However, once we understand the why and get a handle on saying ‘no’, the experience becomes easier.
One important piece that needs to be said explicitly is that not everyone has the power to say ‘no’ due to safety reasons. While saying ‘no’ is important for protecting yourself and your mental health, depending on the situation, it could jeopardize your safety. In these cases, it may not be worth saying ‘no’. What does it say when we live in a world where saying ‘no’ could potentially put someone at-risk for setting boundaries and standing up for their personal rights? What does it say that sometimes the ability to say ‘no’ is a privilege? Maybe on your journey to practice saying ‘no’, consider using your ‘no’ in other ways that advocate for others and for change in the world.
Remember, NO has power! Use it to empower yourself in your journey for better mental health and to empower others with a chance to take on a project, task, etc.
Take Action Today Moment:
Give yourself the time and space to practice saying ‘no’. It may not feel natural right from the start. It may feel challenging or unsettling. So start small! Practice saying ‘no’ in more neutral or less high-stakes situations. Or even before that, practice just saying the word no in the mirror. Get used to saying the word. During this process, decide what boundaries you would like to honor by saying ‘no’ to. That may be to the next project that comes along or to a night out when you need a night in. Being able to say ‘no’ starts with understanding your boundaries. Once you feel comfortable, start saying in less neutral situations and remind yourself that when you say ‘no' that you are giving others the opportunity to say ‘yes’. That can be a great reminder when feelings of guilt arise because you held your boundaries and you are not living up to the world’s expectations that we should be constantly doing all the time. Also, remind yourself that a maybe is usually a ‘no’.
Learn More About Saying No:
How to Stop Saying Yes When You Want to Say No
Finding Your Roots and Wings
Sitting by a tree, or any plant life really, can not only be a pleasant experience, but it can also remind us of the beauty of roots. Plants need roots to survive. They are not optional. Roots, no matter how deep or shallow, connect the plant to the earth. The plant can then receive nutrients from the soil and find safety in being connected to the earth. If the wind blows, the tree remains at home where it is growing rather than following the whims of the wind. Wings on the other hand allow creatures to fly, explore, ride the currents of air, and move with it. There is such beauty and freedom in watching birds, for example, play in the air, spreading their wings, and finding joy in exploring and seeing what is out there.
On the surface, roots and wings seem incongruent. However, together they give us the strength to be ourselves with the freedom to explore but a place to come home so that we are not blown around. Without roots we can easily be pushed and pulled in multiple directions with the wind. That can lead to us being misled by what others think that we should be or should do. It can lead us to think that we should be better than the next person or that this shiny thing looks nice. Or even that we should collect achievements or accolades that the world says we should have instead of trusting that we are enough and that our gifts are enough just the way they are. Without wings, we forget that we can explore, share our gifts, and find freedom in being creative with how we dance or engage with the world around us. We become so rooted in our ways, thoughts, and experiences that we can easily become stuck or stiff. Maybe we even find that we forget how to engage with the world around us.
That is why we need both, roots and wings, so that we can share our gifts, explore, and remain true to ourselves. If we find both and embrace both then we find ourselves in a place of balance. This balance is not a static balance but rather a dynamic balance where it changes, ebbs, and flows so that we can still learn and grow as we explore and come home. Just as balance isn’t about being rigid, roots and wings aren't about being pulled apart. Roots and wings are about embracing both finding the connection and flow between.
Take Action Today Moment:
Here is the invitation. Find your roots and wings! Begin by finding each one individually. Maybe start by finding your roots. Stand by a tree or plant and imagine its roots. Then imagine what yours looks like. What does it mean to be grounded and connected to the earth? Play around with this process until you are ready to transition to finding your wings. Go outside and watch a bird dance in the wind, if possible, to start. If not, that is okay. Then explore your dreams. What gives you life? What gives you hope? What do you enjoy giving to the world? What would you like to explore? Do some art or journaling. Next combine them together. Play with feeling your roots and wings and how they show up in your life and the world. Focus on the integration rather than how they may feel different. Well worth the journey!
Self-Reflection
Reflection. What do you notice when you read that word? Reflection. What images, thoughts, stories, or memories come to mind? Reflection has so many different connotations. Reflection in the mirror. Reflection in water. Our behavior as a reflection of ourselves. To name a few of the many. There is one more that is essential to highlight, self-reflection. Self-reflection is our ability to stay in description (read: remain judgment free) and be honest about ourselves. Not always the easiest task for a few reasons. The first is our sometimes natural talent of bringing in, not only our own judgments, but also those of others. It happens lightning quick and its impacts are striking because they know just how to cut. The second is the element of honesty. Many of us value honesty and have it as part of our ethical codes. Though, when it comes to ourselves, it can be hard to be honest, mostly because we want to protect ourselves so that we can keep going with our day. We struggle with acknowledging both our challenges and our strengths.
While self-reflection may be challenging, it is a gift worth embracing. Self-reflection is one aspect of what allows us to grow because it asks us to activate different skills.
Skill Number One: Practice staying in description and out of judgment.
Judgment: I can’t do anything right!
Description: I struggle with certain tasks, and I am learning how to improve.
Skill Number Two: Work towards not universalizing and instead focusing on qualities.
Universalizing: I'm worthless because I can’t complete this task.
Qualities: I do have skills in this area yet, and I am still talented.
Skill Number Three: Make honest assessments of our abilities.
Honest Assessment: I made a mistake and own it.
Shaded Assessment: It was the other person’s fault, I was just responding to the person.
From the examples above, it is easy to see how the skills overlap. They weave together and support each other. Practicing one might mean practicing all three without always realizing it.
Let’s come back to one of the examples used early about what the word reflection might elicit - reflection in water. When someone looks at their reflection in water it isn’t a perfectly still image even if the water isn’t moving or flowing. There is always some small movement. That is the gift of self-reflection. Not only does it allow us to grow each time we practice, but it keeps us moving so that we can adapt and explore our world without judgment and honest thoughts. Judgment brings with it so much weight and keeps us stuck or weighed down so that we miss our own strengths and gifts. Learning and practicing honesty about ourselves is not always easy, as it asks us to acknowledge that we aren’t perfect while society tells us we should be. In our places of growth, our challenges, and imperfections we find other gifts we didn’t know that we had.
Take Action Today Moment:
If self-reflection is not a current strength or even if it is, start by practicing staying in description during the day with other tasks. For example, ‘I have work to do’ instead of ‘I am dreading doing my work.’ Or going even simpler, describe your environment without judgment. Once that starts to feel more natural, then start practicing with yourself and track how it is going and how it impacts your interactions with others in the world. You might be surprised at how your interactions change.
Learn More About Self-Reflection:
Self-Reflection: Definition and How to Do It
87 Self-Reflection Questions for Introspection [+Exercises]
What Is Self-Reflection and Why It Matters For Wellness
Here’s How Self-Reflection Can Strengthen Your Emotional Intelligence
The Duality of Stability
So many crave stability in their life or in at least aspects of their lives. There is something potentially safe or grounded about stability. Though if different people were asked to define, draw, or demonstrate stability, chances are that there would be many variations and some common themes. One of those themes, chances are, is strength. Another one might be a variation of the concept of rigidity. Rigid and strength oftentimes are confused for each other or are knowingly or unknowingly closely tied together.
There are many sources of inspiration when it comes to exploring stability. We can look in almost any direction and see stability around us. Nature, however, seems to be the most inspirational, as it has served as inspiration for humans for many generations. Trees are strong, stable, and beautiful. They serve many functions in the cycle of life. Birds and other wildlife find shelter and a home. Carbon dioxide is photosynthesized into oxygen. To name a couple. Trees are able to support all these different functions due to their structure, strength, and stability. They are built in such a way to be able to chemically convert carbon dioxide into oxygen. They are strong enough to withstand wind, rain, snow, and other natural elements. They are stable because they are grounded to the earth while being flexible.
Groundedness and flexibility allow us to be stable. It isn’t necessarily strength, though that may play a part. And it isn’t rigidity that allows us to be stable. Rigidity is easily breakable. Think of glass when it hits something hard. It shatters! Being stable invites us to root into the earth and find our own roots while also asking us to be flexible. This may seem like a paradox in some ways. Be rooted while being flexible? Being rooted allows us to find that connection to ourselves, our beliefs, our values, and not be dragged along with life. It also asks us to be mindful of our own energy so that when it starts to rise with stress, for example, we can take action to reconnect. Being flexible means being able to navigate by moving with angulation of life, taking in new information, acknowledging and embracing change.
Stability is both finding our roots and dancing with flexibility. By embracing the duality we find our stability. When we find stability, we also find freedom. The freedom to explore. The freedom to be ourselves. The freedom to embrace challenge and change without the fear of being broken. The freedom to extend our reach in service of others. And also the freedom to acknowledge that we have special gifts to share.
Take Action Today Moment:
Find a spot where you can watch a tree in different types of weather, sunny, rainy, windy, snowy, etc. Spend several moments watching how the tree interacts with the environment. Notice how the roots secure it to the earth while its branches sway and move. Then if you are feeling so included, write, draw, or find movement to express what you observed, felt, thought, etc. Take any lessons you learned and see how you can integrate them into your life or simply acknowledge time you spent. Repeat this experience as often as desired. See if anything shifts or changes for you.
The Beauty of the Beginner’s Mind
When we watch babies explore their world there is something so incredibly special. They see everything anew and bring curiosity that inspires. Wouldn’t it be nice if people, as adults, could capture some of that magic? How would our world be different? Instead of bringing previous experiences and judgments to our days, what if we did bring that spirit of openness?
Zen Buddhism provides a concept that may be of benefit. Hoshin or “beginner’s mind” talks about bringing an attitude of openness, eagerness, and a lack of preconceptions to our efforts to study a new subject no matter if it is at an advanced level. Beyond learning a new subject, it might be of benefit to even apply this concept to daily actions. There are so many occasions and times that preconceptions and judgments come into our actions. It happens automatically. There is some neuroscience to explain why this happens, but for now, the focus remains on outward behaviors and internal experiences.
Oftentimes our behaviors, thoughts, and emotions happen so quickly that their origin is often missed. We just react instead of act. That means patterns and experiences are brought up lightning-quick, even before we have time to process what is happening. So the trick becomes to practice, slowing down to catch when this is happening and activating the “beginner’s mind” instead, approaching the situation with an openness to learn and make a different choice.
Two types of examples may provide further insight. The first is about learning new subjects. Let’s say that someone wants to learn another language, and has never learned a new language. That person will most likely approach the subject with a strong willingness to learn and be open and eager to take on this new task. Now let’s say that person has now already learned two languages and wants to learn another language. There is a chance that the person could be thinking that, “I already know how to learn a language. There is not much more that I can learn in terms of the learning process.” That becomes problematic. There is always more to learn, and it may be beneficial to approach the situation with more openness to find out new ideas and concepts that may be even more effective. This is the first type of example of where the “beginner’s mind” is of benefit.
Transitioning to the second type of example, there is more to learn. In daily life chances are thoughts like, “I know how ____ is going to act,” or “Her behavior is so predictable,” or “I always do that.” This list continues with different variations, but the pattern here is assuming someone’s behavior or even one’s own behavior. Happens so frequently and, as mentioned above, it happens so quickly. Enter the concept of the “beginner’s mind.” What if, when this happens, the situation is entered into with curiosity and a desire to look at the picture anew instead of seeing the old pattern and bringing in preconceptions. It might be surprising how much one learns. With that said, this process is not always easy. It asks everyone to slow down and notice when assumptions and old patterns are arising. It asks for action instead of reaction. While at times challenging, this process is always worth the work. And thinking of the “beginner’s mind” gives the brain a concept to grasp and introduce which may help the process of slowing down.
Take Action Today Moment:
Find ways that you can integrate the “beginner’s mind” into your daily life. Start simple! Practice in situations where there is not a lot of pressure and things are calm. When you practice during calm times it makes it easier for the brain to access this new skill in times of stress and pressure.
Pay attention to how you bring preconceptions to your actions. Take a few moments each day to see when and how you bring preconceptions into your daily actions. It might surprise you to see how often they come up even during tasks that might be considered mundane.
If you have the ability, watch a baby or young child explore their world. Take those moments to just enjoy the pureness of the moment.
Learn More About the Beginner’s Mind:
Walking the Path of Beginner’s Mind
Life as a Story
Many very wise people have said some beautiful things about what life is. Here are a few of these poetically worded quotes and statements:
“Hold fast to dreams, for if dreams die, life is a broken-winged bird that cannot fly.” - Langston Hughes
“Life is a series of natural and spontaneous changes. Don't resist them - that only creates sorrow. Let reality be reality. Let things flow naturally forward in whatever way they like.” - Lao Tzu
“Life is not a series of gig lamps symmetrically arranged; life is a luminous halo, a semi-transparent envelope surrounding us from the beginning of consciousness to the end.” - Virginia Woolf
These astute words of wisdom hold so much truth. There are many threads that tie these words of wisdom together. And there is room to add ideas. So here is the idea that is being offered in this post. It may not be unique and others may have thought of this as well, but it deserves to be shared.
“Life is a story that we write, draw, or dance each second, each minute, each hour, and each day. It is up to us to determine the words, colors, style, chapters, pictures, movements, nuances, and plots that appear on the pages or stage.” - Kimberlee Bow
In the morning when the world wakes up, everyone is writing their story through their actions, choices, and interactions with others. This conjures up the image of a pile of beautiful books being written that vary in how they read and what they say. Wouldn’t that be a treasure? A treasure to read each story and find connections with the “characters” as we find ourselves in the pages. We are all connected by a common thread. That of humanity.
Here comes the questions that everyone then needs to ask themselves at some point. What is your story? If someone was to read your story what would you want them to read? These questions may not have an easy answer. And maybe they shouldn’t have an easy answer because it asks us all to reflect on our lives as a whole and in the moment. That is a skill that we are constantly developing throughout life. To develop our capacity to listen to our own inner witness and find our truth.
Everyone needs to begin somewhere. The number of times we have heard that starting something can be the hardest part is probably beyond what we could count on two hands. And there is some kernel of truth to that idea. Starting asks people to begin something that can be out of the normal pattern, making it feel harder. And yet, if people are able to move past that place of being uncomfortable they usually find they can keep going. This feels applicable to us as stories are written. It is time to begin. Begin to write your story. Write it word by word. Draw it picture by picture. Dance it movement by movement. However the story takes form, own that it is your story. Write or draw a story that you can be proud of when you look back on it. That doesn’t mean that everything has to be perfect. Far from it. It means that it isn’t perfect and there are stumbling blocks and messy places along the way. It means that there are places of joy and places of sadness. It means that there are places of hope and of loss. And above all, it means that it was a life lived and not observed.
So maybe the quote specifically for this post from above needs to be altered.
“Life is a story that we write, draw, or dance each second, each minute, each hour, and each day. It is up to us to live and embody the words, colors, style, chapters, pictures, movements, nuances, and plots that appear on the pages or stage.” - Kimberlee Bow
Take Action Today Moment:
Decide for yourself which quote feels better for you. Does the small difference in wording make a difference?
Now go out and write, draw, or dance your story. Find a way to start documenting your story. It can be a journal, but it doesn’t have to be. It can be quick video clips or a drawing. Be creative and let your imagination decide what would be best for your story.
Read More Amazing Quotes:
Learn More About the Power of Story:
How Stories Connect And Persuade Us: Unleashing The Brain Power Of Narrative
Summer Solstice: Transitions and Tradition
With the arrival of the June solstice, we officially marked the astronomical first day of summer in the Northern Hemisphere. Conversely, the Southern Hemisphere marked the astronomical start of winter. These astronomical events that mark the beginning and the end of each season also carry with them traditions and reminders of ancient celebrations. Stonehenge has been thought to have played a role in organizing calendars in ancient England, as it may have been erected to help establish the date of the June solstice. In ancient China, the June solstice was marked by a ceremony to celebrate the Earth, femininity, and the “yin” forces which contrasts with the December solstice honoring the heavens, masculinity, and “yang” forces. There is beauty in remembering traditions and ancient celebrations. It reminds us of our ancestors and those who came before us.
Solstices and transitions have another sort of symbolism. They mark the end of something and the beginning of something. With the solstice, spring ends and summer begins and at this transition, we see the longest period of sunlight. There is something special and maybe even scary about transitions. They offer us the chance to say goodbye to one thing and hello to another. Maybe this is a good time to reflect on what in life needs to be let go of and what in life needs to be embraced or welcomed. That may mean living in a liminal space for a bit to figure out what needs to be embraced. Liminal space can be a bit challenging as it means that we are in a state of uncertainty that many of us do not necessarily enjoy. Though, if we embrace this chance to play in liminal space and the opportunity to be creative, there is joy to be found. Joy in knowing that we pushed past our edge into our growth zones and found something within ourselves that will carry us into the new season.
There has been discussion about tradition and remembering as well as transitions and saying goodbye and hello. Can these two concepts live together? Yes, they can! It asks us to hold a paradox. The paradox of “and” and not “or.” This is an area that we all need to grow in as holding a paradox is not something we are asked to do on a daily basis. However, in this world, there are not many things that are black and white. There are many shades of gray and those shades of gray can make life interesting and fulfilling.
On the solstice, the Sun makes its way to the highest point in the sky which means that it takes longer for it to rise and set. This is a reminder that there is space to be mindful during the transition and tradition journey. Those journey moments are precious and there is learning to be had if we only embrace it.
Take Action Today Moment:
Reflect on transitions in your life as well as what transition may need the time and space to emerge. Also, reflect on traditions that mean something to you. Practice holding both. Then as you journey through any transitions make sure to give yourself the chance to grieve the things you let go of in the transition and honor the new that you bring into your life.
Learn More About the Solstice:
It’s Okay to Be Uncomfortable!
There is a reason we love our comfort zones. They are comfortable! There is a point and purpose to a comfort zone, and there is also a point to leaving the comfort zone. But before diving into the nitty-gritty, it may be beneficial to establish what the comfort zone actually is to set the foundation. The comfort zone may be viewed as a psychological state where things are safe and familiar to someone. That person is at ease and feels in control of the environment. Stress and anxiety are low. It might even be important to bring up that the body would be reflecting this psychological state. In other words, that state of safety and familiarity are alive and the body feels more at ease and at peace.
Now, what about outside the comfort zone? There are two different places that need to be explored. First is the edge where one learns and grows. This area can be broken into three parts, or shades as they will be referred to. The first shade is the edge where fear sneaks in. This is the place where self-confidence is not built up and we find excuses or reasons why one can’t engage in this task, event, or learning experience. In this place, the environment can easily have an impact. Things such as other people’s opinions or thoughts. However, if a person persists, the next shade brings a person to the learning zone where new learning happens and the comfort zone expands. Continuing past, one reaches the final shade which is the growth zone where one may find aspects of purpose and a drive to set new goals.
Above two different places were mentioned. The first was just discussed and now it is time to look at the second place, the panic or danger zone. This place is one where a person cannot take in any new information because the body and the mind are expressing extreme stress and anxiety. Here one might be edging towards a trauma response because of how far it takes someone out of the comfort zone. As mentioned earlier the body will also be playing a part in giving signals and signs that this place has been reached. One can become hyperaroused or hypoaroused. Hyperarousal is the one most people think of but hypoarousal is also a response to extreme stress. In this case, the body and mind disconnect, go numb or dissociate.
All these shades and places have a purpose and are necessary. The comfort zone allows us to function from day to day and go about our daily tasks. The places on the edge of the comfort zone or the shades are where we learn and grow. They allow one to adapt, evolve, grow, thrive, and flourish. Even the panic or danger zone serves a purpose. It lets one know when they have gone too far and to take a step back. Together they help give us information that we can use.
The brain is an amazing organ. It was made to change. There is a concept called neuroplasticity, which basically means that the brain is able to form new neural connections based on new experiences and information. The body was made to adapt, which means that we have the body level capacity with us always! That process of learning and growing lives in the mind, heart, and body.
Why bring all of this up? We tend to turn away from discomfort instead of staying with it and learning from that experience. It is very easy to jump into our comfort zone by ignoring, turning away, disengaging, or pretending that an event or experience isn’t happening. We feel our minds and bodies react and are not sure how to stay with that experience, which is why we jump back. What if we instead decided to turn towards those situations that challenge us? We usually come out the other side in a better place with new skills and wisdom. That does not mean that the process will be easy, but it is worth it! We may find that we need a different skill set to help move through challenging situations, so we go and learn something new and bring it to the next scenario. Or we may find that we were simply standing in our own way because of fear. No matter what the case, trust yourself that the journey through the growth zone will yield beautiful results.
Take Action Today Moment:
Practice! Start with challenging yourself to learn a new hobby, language, or skill. Give yourself that mindful experience so that you know you can do it again when the stakes might be higher. Also, practice skills that will help you stay with any thoughts or body sensations that normally cause you to turn back to the comfort zone. Maybe that is focusing on your breath while noticing what is happening, for example.
As you practice, remember to celebrate and acknowledge what you just learned or accomplish. Give yourself that treat! The brain will also like it and react accordingly!
Learn More About the Comfort Zone:
How to Leave Your Comfort Zone and Enter Your ‘Growth Zone’
Life as a Dance so Why Not Just Dance?
“Dance is the hidden language of the soul.” - Martha Graham
When one thinks of dance what comes to mind? Maybe a traditional type of dance. Maybe a structured form. Or maybe even something that you love or would never dream of trying. Or a variety of images may be conjured up. What about everyday movements as a dance? What about relationships as a dance?
Dance can look and feel so different depending on your perspective. As an added bonus, however, the benefits of physical dance are well documented. In fact, there are labs devoted to the study of how dance impacts us on the physical, emotional, and mental levels. There is even a therapeutic field that uses dance and movement as the therapeutic vehicle, dance/movement therapy. Dance and movement hold so many different roles in our lives and yet they lack integration into our lives.
Why might that be? A few reasons spring to mind. One might be that we have a preconceived notion of what dance is, and that it has to be a particular style. And yet another might be what our cultures tell us about dance. They may tell us that dancing is only for the young or only for people who identify as women. Still, another may be that we don’t yet have the confidence to improve. There are probably a multitude of other reasons that are not listed here. Chances are that, as a reader, you may be able to add to this list.
What if even for just a second we say that any type of movement is dance, it just depends on our perspective. That means every day we are dancing! We are choreographing our lives second to second. When thinking from that perspective, life may seem a little bit more interesting and, at the same time, take some potential preconceived ideas of dance off the table and open the door to the enjoyment of dance and movement.
As mentioned above, there is a therapeutic modality called dance/movement therapy. It is a wonderful modality for supporting mental health and has several research studies to back its effectiveness with many populations. But that will be a post for a different day. What we will draw from today are the premises that dance/movement therapy draws upon. According to the American Dance Movement Therapy Association’s page, What is Dance/Movement Therapy?, the following four are some of these premises:
“Movement is a language, our first language. Nonverbal and movement communication begins in utero and continues throughout the lifespan. Dance/movement therapists believe that nonverbal language is as important as verbal language and use both forms of communication in the therapeutic process.
Mind, body, and spirit are interconnected.
Movement can be functional, communicative, developmental, and expressive. Dance/movement therapists observe, assess, and intervene by looking at movement, through these lenses, as it emerges in the therapeutic relationship in the therapeutic session.
Movement is both an assessment tool and a primary mode of intervention."
While some of these premises speak directly to dance/movement therapy, there are pieces that speak directly to how movement is a language, can be functional, communicative, developmental, and expressive, and is connected to the body and spirit. Doesn’t that stand to reason that movement is important in our lives on many levels? That movement can give access to our emotions, help us connect to others, and even explore our own psyche.
Now we come back to how every day is a dance. We move daily, even if it is solely the rising and falling of our chest as we breathe. Embrace how we dance daily and find other small ways to maybe bring a little bit more dance into your awareness whether through a few extra flourishes in your hand gestures all the way to taking a dance class or even improving a dance in your home.
Take Action Today Moment:
There are a couple of ways that you can explore dance. Learn about it in your body! Put on some music and see how your body wants to move. Or try changing your perspective for even a minute or two to look at your day as dance. See what you notice or learn! Finally, think or sit with how movement has a role in your life and make a list of the different ways that movement contributes. You may be surprised at what you find out.
Referenced in the Blog Post:
American Dance Therapy Association
Learn More About Dance and Its Benefits with YouTube Videos:
TEDxOslo - Peter Lovatt - Dance, thinking, hormones
TEDxObserver - Peter Lovatt - Psychologist and dancer
Peter Lovatt - reads What is Dance? from The Dance Cure
An Introduction to Dance/Movement Therapy
The Difference Between "Therapeutic" Dance and Dance/Movement Therapy
This is Life Yoga Launches!
Exciting news!
I have officially launched one of my YouTube channels - This is Life Yoga!
This is my way of giving back to anyone who needs a few moments to take care of themselves! The whole point of this channel is to provide quick 15 minute or under videos of what is yoga that is hopefully fairly accessible to many. No yoga training or experience needed. There will be no fancy asana (yoga poses), just gentle asanas to help you engage with your body and soul. No fancy equipment on my end. Just myself and my computer. I can’t promise perfection because life is not perfect. I can only say that life happens and you never know what will happen. There are times there may be a child running across or a knock at the door, but that is the point. We have a new normal and that new normal can be interesting.
I not only decided to create this channel as a way to give back, but also because I want to encourage a culture change. There is always so much to do, and home and professional life already puts so many demands on us all. So what if we attempted to change the paradigm and make self-care part of the day, where it is an expected and treasured time. My hope and wish for you and all who engage with the channel is that this becomes a regular part of your day!
And..
There will be a slight mental health twist to the videos at times. Rest assured that they will in no way be interventions or treatment. Just reminders of how important mental health is to our everyday lives.
Please feel free to share your thoughts, feedback, and comments below the videos as they come!
Take Action Today Moment:
Please visit the channel and subscribe to it here. I would very much appreciate it!
Make sure to like the videos if you find them at all helpful!
The Power of Mantras, Cue Words, or Power Words
There have been many names for the concept of a mantra and mantras have shown up in many different settings for the benefit of those who engage in a mantra. Sport is a good example of one place where the mantra has been used under the name of cue words or self-talk.
To unravel and understand more about mantras, it helps to understand the origins of mantras. Om Swami, in Sanskrit, defines mantra as, “Mananāt trāyatē iti mantrah.” What does this mean? The sustained repetition of that which protects from the miseries that arise from bondage or the cycles of birth and death. As a potent source of well-being for all of creation, mantras and their sonic powers have origins from the primordial sound OM, the sound of creation. The seers or sages who dove into the mantras to soak in the wisdom ended up unearthing the science behind mantras. This is just the beginning of the history of mantras. There is so much more that could be said on this topic. To dive more in depth, the source of the above is below and goes into much more detail.
Today, mantras are not only used by yogic practitioners, but also by leaders, athletes, students, and many others for different purposes and with different intentions. Even teams come up with their own mantras that become part of the culture. A simple word, phrase, or sound that is repeated, mantras allow people to focus both mind and body on the present moment. They are meant to be easy to remember and apply and more than just words. When crafting and creating mantras or cue words, they need to mean something special to the person using the mantra. It is one thing to come up with the mantra, “Lead from the heart” but it is another thing altogether to take that mantra and truly experience and embody the mantra. What that means is that mantras or cue words also may require some testing, reflection, and even repetition to fully embody.
Another way to craft a good mantra is to have a story that goes with it so that the brain and body connect to it more deeply. Because there are emotions and sensate experiences that pair with it, the power of the mantra is greater. Think of it like this. What are the most powerful memories that people have? Those that have strong emotion or sensate experiences attached to them. Giving meaning and breathing life into a mantra can be a special experience. If someone is in a leadership position, for example, maybe that person experienced first hand what it was like to have a less than ideal leader and that gives the person drive to be a better leader. That connects drive and passion.
One key aspect that oftentimes is not discussed enough is that mantra really does need to be practiced daily so when it counts the brain goes right to the mantra doesn’t even have to think about it. When in stressful situations, like taking an exam, running a race, or negotiating a deal, chances are the brain and body are stressed, which can limit our ability to think and instead goes into more of a fight or flight response. If the mantra or cue words have been practiced, chances are they have become more automatic, which will make them easier to call up when needed. The best analogy is to think of a well-worn path in the woods versus a path that is not. It is easier to go down the well worn path. The brain’s neural connections are similar.
Now that mantras and cue words have been explored, time to create one. Give it a try!
Take Action Today Moment:
Craft your mantra. You can do this in a creative way through art, writing, or movement. You can also do some journaling or quiet reflection to see what emerges for you.
Be willing to let your mantra evolve as you practice the mantra in different situations.
To begin, try writing it on a sticky note or notes and put it in a place where you can see it so that it comes to mind easily. Practice daily!
Referenced in the Blog Post:
Ancient Science of Mantras – Wisdom of the Sages
Learn More About Mantras:
The Science Behind Finding Your Mantra—And How to Practice It Daily
Have Trouble Meditating? Try Mantra Meditation
Cue Statements: Staying Focused at Critical Times
Create a Vocabulary for Individual and Team Success in Sport
Acknowledging Mistakes (aka Taking Responsibility for Your Actions)
Perfection is an illusion. Nobody is perfect and yet many of us strive for perfection. Certain cultures even maintain the idea that we need to aim for perfection. However, we are human and we make mistakes. It happens! It happens to all of us! We are all in good company. There are gifts in making mistakes, but that is a topic for another day. Today is about acknowledging one’s mistakes and taking ownership of our choices and behavior. Sounds funny maybe, to be talking about this. However, it is a topic that needs attention and cultivation when we are adults and especially when in a leadership position.
Many times, the initial gut reaction is to find a way to either fix the mistake before someone finds out or to find some way to pass the mistake off as something someone else did. Chances are that each and every one of us has at least experienced this reaction (regardless of if we acted on it or not), watched it happen to someone else, or have experienced someone trying to pass the blame to us. No matter what the experience, the consequences to ourselves and others do not turn out well.
While it can be harder to take responsibility for a mistake and feel incredibly vulnerable, that is the path we need to take, advocate, and role model. It begins with realizing that every individual plays a role in every situation, experience, or interaction and has some degree of responsibility with how the situation plays out. In very few situations are we not involved in some capacity. As an example, let’s look at the role of the bystander. Bystanders may appear to not have a role in witnessing an interaction. However, let’s say that the bystander witnesses a hate crime or the mistreatment of another. If the bystander makes the choice to do nothing, that does have an impact. Yes safety is important, and there are other ways to still help out in that situation. This is just one example.
The next step is to pause and think of what actions you can take to make amends or address the mistake. By taking a pause and thinking, it hopefully allows a person to check-in first and maybe take a few deep breaths so that an action can be taken instead of a reaction. What is the difference? A reaction is the first impulse that may be born of past experiences, for example. An action is one that is purposeful and comes with intention. Once a course of action is decided, it can be helpful, if the opportunity is available, to run your plan by someone to ensure that it not only includes an acknowledgement of the mistake and accepts the responsibility, but also presents the steps that will be taken to make the mistake right.
Then it is time to take action and implement the plan. One can never predict the reactions of others. We can only ever control our behavior and interactions. Hopefully, the plan goes well and all ends with everyone in a better place. However, be prepared that, in some situations, the outcomes will not go according to plan. And that is okay. In those moments, there are options. One, use it as a learning experience. Two, adapt and work with what arises. Three, know that you did your best, as long as you did, to make the situation right and be okay with the outcome. Or secret option four - use all three no matter the situation and the outcome.
When one is in a leadership position, it is even more essential to take ownership of mistakes. While it may feel awkward to fess up to a mistake in the leadership position, in the long run it allows others to know that their trust is not misplaced. Sometimes relationships are made strong through mistakes as long as there is a repair!
Take Action Today Moment:
Engage in some self-reflection about how you react to making mistakes? And, how do you react to others making mistakes? What steps can you take to ensure that you don’t react and can instead take action?
Consider looking at some of the resources below to learn more about accepting responsibility.
As you take time to do this exercise, remember to stay curious, open, and to hold your journey with compassion.
Learn More About Accepting Responsibility for Mistakes:
Mother's Day Reflections
As we transition out of Mother’s Day weekend here in the United States, I am overwhelmed with gratitude for the strong women in my life who have played a role in influencing my journey. What this calls to mind is that, while there are biological mothers, there are mother figures who can be almost anyone in our lives.
We need to be mindful not to make assumptions about relationships and roles that people have in the lives of others. In some families, it might be grandma who is more of the mother figure. In others, it might be an aunt or sister. And still in others, it might be someone outside of the family, like a family friend.
Why does this matter?
The first reason is so that we do not fall into the trap of making assumptions. In all fairness, our brains like to make neat categories to save energy. However, that is not an excuse. It tasks us all with taking a moment to check our thoughts to make sure we are not assuming. If we are assuming, we need to do a check by asking questions to check-in or do some research about our thoughts depending on the scenario. This next step is key. That is to do some self-reflection about why we made that assumption. There is so much to learn in the last step.
The second reason focuses more on how that impacts the other person. To illustrate this point, take a person who may have been raised by their grandma and thinks of their grandma as more of a mother figure. Then the grandma dies. What can often happen is that the person will hear comments like, “At least it was your grandma,” or “Thankfully you still have your mother.” That can be devastating to that person. This example is just one of many. By not jumping to assumption we keep our minds and hearts open to other possibilities and even connection.
Take Action Today Moment:
As we transition into the days and week ahead pay attention to what assumptions come up for you and how they play a role in your life. How do assumptions serve you? How do they not serve you?
Also consider saying thank you to the caregivers that you know. Chances are it will make their day!
As you take time to do this exercise, remember to stay curious, open, and to hold your journey with compassion.
Learn More About Mother’s Day:
Here's How 9 Other Countries Celebrate Mother's Day
Learn More About Assumptions:
Mental Health Your Way
May, as you may know, is Mental Health Awareness Month! A month that we take some time to remember the importance of mental health.
However, we need to be considering our mental health all year round, not just one month a year. Let’s begin by bringing up what mental health is from the perspective of the World Health Organization (WHO) along with a few key thoughts.
“Mental health is more than the absence of mental disorders.” - WHO
Many hear about mental health and jump directly to mental illness/disorders. While mental illness is an important and essential topic, it is not all of mental health. There is so much more to the topic and is very complex. For example, did you know that you have two “brains”? Your gut is often referred to as the “second brain.” There is a link below where you can learn more about this topic as we will not cover it right now, but please consider learning a little bit more on this fascinating subject.
“Mental health is an integral part of health; indeed, there is no health without mental health.” - WHO
As the point just before this one hinted at with the brain-gut connection, the systems of the body, including the emotional and cognitive, are all connected. There is no escaping it. There is purpose and benefit to the connection. There is also a lot to learn from the connection!
“Mental health is determined by a range of socioeconomic, biological and environmental factors.” - WHO
No one exists in isolation. We are all connected to other people, environments, systems, and forces. For example, our brains are designed to grow and develop in the context of social connections. If you want an even more in-depth example, look at what are called mirror neurons. Mirror neurons are a specific type of neuron that fire or become active in two situations. The first is when a person completes a movement or action. And the second is when a person observes the same or similar action or movement done by another person. All that to say, our brains respond to other people and engage! This is just one example of how we are connected and how systems and people influence us and our mental health. One more example that we can draw from is by looking at socioeconomic status and environment. If a person has financial security, that person can afford to buy good food, access health care, and live in a safe environment. All of that impacts mental and physical health and provides a much better opportunity for the person to be healthy. Below there is a link to an article that you can read to learn more. Highly encouraged!
“Cost-effective public health and intersectoral strategies and interventions exist to promote, protect and restore mental health.” - WHO
There are many organizations and people who have dedicated their lives to supporting people around mental health. That is not to say that everyone has everything down perfectly, it is more to say that there is hope and people who care about improving mental health for everyone.
We have just covered the topic of mental health from one perspective. Now it is your turn! While there are larger definitions and great perspectives out there, what is your own? What does mental health mean to you? How do you define mental health? How do you define mental illness? How do you define change? These are important questions to ask yourself as they do play a role in how you approach your own mental health and how you view mental health in general.
Take Action Today Moment:
Answer the above questions for yourself and reflect on what that means for you in your life and how that impacts how you approach other people? What are the implications of your approach?
As you take time to do this exercise, remember to stay curious, open, and to hold your journey with compassion.
Referenced in Post:
Mental health: strengthening our response
Mental Health and Environmental Exposures: An Editorial (Academic Paper)
Learn More About Mirror Neurons:
What We Know Currently about Mirror Neurons (Academic Paper)
What's So Special about Mirror Neurons?
Dr. Dan Siegel - Explains Mirror Neurons in Depth (YouTube Video)
Learn More About Mental Health Awareness Month:
National Alliance on Mental Illness (NAMI) - Mental Health Awareness Month
Stress Awareness Reframed into Advocacy!
Throughout the month of April, there has been a lot shared and advocated for around the topic of stress as April is Stress Awareness Month. Let’s face it, there has been a lot rewritten and studied around the topic of stress. At times it feels like we are hearing the same thing about stress and stress relief over and over again without hearing anything new. Or, perhaps the feeling of “I know” arises along with the thought of “I don’t have the time. There is so much to do.” And then, perhaps, there is the hope or wish to do something about the stress level in your life.
So now the question is how is this blog post any different? What am I going to learn that is new and different? Well, the answer is simple. You are not going to learn anything new or different. Instead, you are going to be reading about a reframe. What if we reframed how we viewed our lives and schedules and instead of making stress relief a “priority” we shift our perspective to advocate for change in our lives so that stress relief and mental health is “the priority.” Let me clarify a bit. We have the demands of our jobs. We have the demands of personal lives. We have demands placed upon us by others in our lives. The list could continue on and on. All of these contribute to our stress level. We have the ability to speak up and advocate for change and a shift in priorities and perspectives.
Let’s take work for example. Chances are there is no paid time set aside for even 10 minutes of self-care where you are offered and encouraged to do something not work related. What if one day you decided to advocate for that to be added to the work day? What if you advocated for a culture shift where those 10 minutes were not only offered but so ingrained in the culture that it became a priority and an expectation. Can you imagine the shifts that could occur around stress levels? It takes one person to start to speak up and say, “Hey. I think that we are not prioritizing what we need to.”
There is so much more to say on the topic of shifting culture to help with mental health and stress. This is just an introduction to the idea. There will be more to come in the blog about the different pieces, strategies, and ideas. For now, the hope is to begin to think about how you can take action to help alter the culture and environment around you to better align with reducing your stress and increasing the opportunity to focus on mental health.
Take Action Today Moment:
Start by taking a moment to figure out what would best serve you to advocate for in your life to lower your stress levels. That’s it! Pick the topic or change you want to advocate for. Begin simple. If you are so inclined, take the next step by starting to lay out one of two steps you can take in a plan.
Learn More About Stress:
The American Institute of Stress
National Institute of Mental Health - I’m So Stressed Out! Fact Sheet
American Psychological Association - Stress relief is within reach
Learn More About Stress Awareness Month:
*For educational purposes only. This is not intended as mental health advice.
Marathon Monday 2022 Women Blazing a Trail - Inspiration and Action!
Today in the running world, runners all over the world are celebrating the Boston Marathon. A historic race that, over the course of its 124 years, has reflected much of what was or is occurring in society at the time. For example, this year remembers and honors the 50th anniversary of the official inclusion of women in the race. 50 years ago an eight-woman field saw American Nina Kuscsik win the race in a time of 3:10:26. For many years women were not allowed to race. It wasn’t until Roberta “Bobbi” Gibb from 1966-68 famously hid in the bushes until the race started and ran without an official race number. In 1967 another courageous woman, Kathrine Switzer, signed up to run by using her initials, “K. V. Switzer,” and was granted an official bib. In a famous incident caught by photographers, Boston Athletic Association officials attempted to unsuccessfully physically remove Katherine from the race. Ten years later in 1977 Marilyn Bevans became the first African American to run the Boston Marathon with a sub three hour marathon time of 2:51:12.
It was because several brave individuals took a stand and said that we belong as equals that women all over the world race today in this historic race as well as other races around the world. We stand on the shoulders of individuals who come before us and it is essential to acknowledge their risks, joys, and tenacity. It is because they took risks and stood against what they knew was not right. How often do we hear this call to action? I am guessing we hear it a lot in different formats and from different sources. We hear it because it is worth taking that moment now and in the future.
It can be easy to become caught up in our own worlds and forget the context. Context is essential. It helps give orientation. We do not exist in a vacuum. Others have come before us and we need to acknowledge their work and give honor to what they accomplished and fought for to make today's landscape different.
Take Action Today Moment:
Think of someone in your life or someone that you do not know who has taken a risk to advocate for change. Take a moment to send that person a note if they are still with you, and if the person is not, still consider writing your thoughts down and letting that person know how much you appreciate their actions.
To read more about the history of women in the Boston Marathon:
NBC Sports - 2022 Boston Marathon celebrates 50th anniversary of official women’s division
Running Organizations Empowering Women:
*Please note that this is not an all inclusive list. There are many organizations out there doing amazing work. You are fully empowered to explore them all and learn more!
AbunDANCE Somatic Center Joins Social Media!
Please follow our new social media accounts!
AbunDANCE Somatic Center Twitter Feed
AbunDANCE Somatic Center Instagram
New Beginnings
AbunDANCE Somatic Center is officially ready to introduce itself to the world.