Grief and Bereavement Basics: Part 1
A statue of a person hugging their legs with shoulders hunched over. The statue is on a rectangle block of stone.
Grief, mourning, and bereavement are topics that people generally do not like to talk about as they bring up all sorts of different feelings, thoughts, and memories. While we will not dive into this topic in-depth, please do take care of yourself as we cover the basic terminology so that we have a common language and an opportunity to understand some of the terms that are often used interchangeable, but that are different concepts. Hopefully, we all walk away from reading this post remembering to hold our grief and that of others with tender care.
Grief
Grief is anything someone thinks and feels on the inside about the death or loss including: thoughts, emotions, physical symptoms, and even unexpected behaviors (Wolfelt, 2006). Often when people think of grief the first emotion they think of is sadness. However, grief is not solely sadness. Often there can be a combination of feelings and emotions such as:
Shock
Confusion
Anxiety
Anger
Regret
Sadness
Many more
The mixture of feelings and emotions someone may be feeling one minute can change the next minute or can change from one day to the next day. It is essential to remember that culture creates, influences, shapes, limits, and even defines grief (Rosenblatt, 2008).The other important thing to remember about grief is that grief is not a pathology. It is a natural part of being human. In case you need further proof we can turn to nature as there are examples within nature that demonstrate other animals experience grief and loss (Brooks Pribac, 2013).
Mourning
Mourning is the expression of their grief outside of themselves (Wolfelt, 2006). In other words, grief is our internal experience while mourning is the showing and doing. What does that mean or look like in practice? Here are just a few examples:
Crying
Talking with a friend, family member, or community member
Journaling
Creating a memory box
Dancing
Making art
We often naturally grieve a loss. Though it is also essential to mourn because that is how someone moves forward to find hope and healing. Mourning can and will look different across cultures.
We need to give people and ourselves the time, space, and permission to both grieve and mourn!
Bereavement
The final term to define is bereavement. To be bereaved is to be torn apart and to have special needs (Wolfelt, 2006). Think about this for a second. When we are experiencing a loss, death or non-death loss, we do have needs that are different from our daily lives. We may need additional support, time or space, etc. The list could go on, but the point is that people who have experienced a loss often feel like they have been torn to pieces or feel as if there is a hole in their lives. That may lead us to understand how important it is to attend to this state and the needs rather than ignoring, running away, or pretending they do not exist. As with mourning, bereavement varies across cultures and ethnicities (Harris & Murray, 2021; Schoulte, 2011).
Now that we have the basics down, the next blog posts will focus on looking at the different kinds of grief and loss. Oftentimes we jump right to death loss, but there are many different kinds of loss and grief.
take action today moment:
Take some time to consider what you just read. Was anything triggered for you emotionally, physically, spiritually, or psychologically? Start to pay attention to how you respond to the topic of grief. It will help you understand your relationship to grief. When I was going through my grief training, we were required to do a grief inventory and think about the different losses in our life. At the time I did focus on death loss and included some non-death loss. That was a learning experience for me and encouraged me to expand my perception of what loss and grief were in my life. What is your relationship to grief and loss? Where does your mind go?
Learn More About Grief and Mourning:
Center for Loss and Life Transition
Association for Death Education and Counseling
References
Brooks Pribac, T. (2013). Animal grief. Animal Studies Journal, 2(2), 67-90.
Harris, D., & Murray, J. (2021). Non-Death Losses. In H. L. Servaty-Sieb & H. S. Chapple (Eds.), Handbook of thanatology: The essential body of knowledge for the study of death, dying, and bereavement (2nd ed.) (pp. 575-598). Association for Death Education and Counseling.
Rosenblatt, P. C. (2008). Grief across cultures: A review and research agenda. In M. S. Stroebe, R. O. Hansson, H. Schut, & W. Stroebe (Eds.), Handbook of bereavement research and practice: Advances in theory and intervention (pp. 207–222). American Psychological Association. https://doi.org/10.1037/14498-010
Schoulte, J. C. (2011). Bereavement among African Americans and Latino/a Americans. Journal of Mental Health Counseling, 33(1), 11.
Wolfelt. A. D. (2006). Companioning the bereaved: A soulful guide for caregivers. Companion Press.