Boundaries! Social Boundaries
Thank you for hanging in there as we explore the five dimensions of healthy boundaries. There is a lot to cover when it comes to the five dimensions, and we are only scratching the surface in these blogs. There is so much more nuance to each dimension. The focus for this post brings our awareness to social boundaries. Social boundaries are the boundaries or limits that we set regarding our time, energy, and availability within the context of our relationships and community. These boundaries help us moderate how much energy we use to engage with the world around us in both the in-person and digital contexts. The goal here is to be able to ensure our social life nourishes us rather than depletes us overall. Before we dive in, it is worth clarifying something about emotional boundaries and social boundaries. While our emotional boundaries help protect our feelings, social boundaries help us protect our capacity. Social boundaries function like gatekeepers of our schedules and our social batteries.
Time and Energy Management
There is only so much time in a day. There is only so much time we have available in our days. We also only have so much energy to give in a day depending on factors such as how much sleep we got the night before. Our energy even becomes depleted as we move through our day. Our brain is a good example of this. Research shows that our cognitive energy depletes as we go through the day due to neuro-metabolic buildup of glutamate, a neurotransmitter, in the lateral prefrontal cortex, which leads to mental fatigue and impulsive decision-making (Wiehler et al., 2022). Thus, social boundaries recognize that our time and energy are a finite resource, and we need to decide how much of these resources we are willing to give to others versus how much we need to keep for ourselves. So, for example, if you need to take a weekend for yourself to recharge, it is fine to say no to a weekend invitation, even if you don’t have weekend plans. Here is your check-in question. Do you feel like your schedule belongs to everyone else but you?
Digital Age Considerations
We live in the digital age! Because we live in the digital age we have unprecedented connectivity, information access, and efficiency. However, there is a trade off. We now have to deal with challenges like digital addiction, privacy risks, and social isolation. For example, social media helps with building connections, but also if the use becomes excessive its use can be strongly linked to anxiety, depression, and loneliness and even cognitive decline, fear of missing out, cyberbullying, and “Snapchat dysmorphia” (Health, 2022; Naslund et al., 2020; Yousef et al., 2025). It is our right to say that we don’t want to be accessible for everyone 24/7. That means that we can set boundaries by turning off read receipts, setting “Do Not Disturb" hours, or opting to not reply to non-urgent texts until morning. Here is your check-in question. Do you feel a spike of anxiety every time your phone rings, sends you an alert, or message notification?
Role Clarity
We hold different roles in our lives in our personal and professional lives. It is okay to define these roles by explicitly outlining expectations, boundaries, and responsibilities to build trust, help reduce, conflict, and help assure mutual respect. This can be done by making implicit agreements more explicit to ensure clear, communicated, and flexible guidelines (depending on the role). This is just one example of an action that we can take. When we do spend time helping to clarify the “terms” of our friendships and professional relationships it helps protect us from being a "24-hour therapist" or a "workhorse" for others who don't necessarily respect our roles. It is okay to tell a friend that you care about them and want to support them, and at the same time say that you are not able to talk about a specific topic during the work day. Ask yourself, are your relationships one-sided, where you provide all the support and receive none in return?
Authenticity
We have a choice about how much of our "authentic selves" we show in different social situations to shield ourselves from the exhaustion of "performing" for others as a method of protecting ourselves. The picture, however, is not that simple. When we are being inauthentic we are suppressing true ourselves driven by circumstances like wanting to fit in for approval, which leads to a “false self” (Wilt et al., 2019). When we do this we can feel lonely even when surrounded by others because we are not being truly seen for who we are. Additionally, when we continue to perform for others it can be emotionally exhausting, and we miss the opportunity for genuine connection. Here is the flip side to consider. When we show up authentically it serves as a buffer against social rejection, resulting in lower feelings of reflections after social exclusion (Gino & Kouchaki, 2020). So we have to be mindful when we engage with others to be safe as well. When setting social boundaries we need to decide how much of your authentic self we opt to show to ensure safety. You can also opt to leave a social gathering early when your social battery hits zero instead of forcing yourself to say and pretend to not be tired. Question. Do you feel a social hangover or intense fatigue after social experiences?
Recognizing Social Boundary Crossings
We can once again come back to the body to help us recognize when a social boundary has been crossed. Here are few potential somatic markers:
The "Lead" Feeling: Feeling like your limbs are heavy and it takes immense effort just to get ready to see people.
Aversion to Sound: Feeling physically irritated by the sound of notifications or people talking.
Eye Fatigue: A literal desire to close your eyes or look away from people during conversation.
Shallow Breathing: Feeling a sense of "suffocation" or lack of air in crowded social spaces.
Remember these are just examples. Not everyone experiences these exact sensations. Everyone's experiences and bodies are different.
Setting social boundaries can be about mindset. They can be thought of as limiting our lives, but they can also be thought of as a way of reclaiming your time and energy that you need for self-care.
The word in “nope” in white pain written on a wood floor.
take action today moment:
Today’s take action moment is simple! Use some of the questions above to assess your social boundaries.
Learn More About Boundaries:
How to set boundaries and find peace (w/ Nedra Glover Tawwab)
References
Gino, F., & Kouchaki, M. (2020). Feeling authentic serves as a buffer against rejection. Organizational Behavior and Human Decision Processes, 160, 36-50. https://doi.org/10.1016/j.obhdp.2020.03.006
Health, T. L. D. (2022). Mental health in the digital age. The Lancet Digital Health, 4(11), e765. doi: 10.1016/S2589-7500(22)00191-1
Naslund, J. A., Bondre, A., Torous, J., & Aschbrenner, K. A. (2020). Social media and mental health: Benefits, risks, and opportunities for research and practice. Journal of Technology in Behavioral Science, 5(3), 245–257. https://doi.org/10.1007/s41347-020-00134-x
Wiehler, A., Branzoli, F., Adanyeguh, I., Mochel, F., & Pessiglione, M. (2022). A neuro-metabolic account of why daylong cognitive work alters the control of economic decisions. Current Biology, 32(16), 3564-3575. https://doi.org/10.1016/j.cub.2022.07.010
Wilt, J. A., Thomas, S., & McAdams, D. P. (2019). Authenticity and inauthenticity in narrative identity. Heliyon, 5(7), e02178. https://doi.org/10.1016/j.heliyon.2019.e02178
Yousef, A. M. F., Alshamy, A., Tlili, A., & Metwally, A. H. S. (2025). Demystifying the new dilemma of brain rot in the digital era: A review. Brain Sciences, 15(3), 283. https://doi.org/10.3390/brainsci15030283