Doing the Best You Can!
Perfectionism is a myth, and yet many of us strive for it in our personal lives, professional lives, and, if we are in a leadership position, it may even show up in our expectations of others. We can strive for perfectionism implicitly or explicitly and sometimes the implicit striving can be the most difficult to find compassion for and reflect on.
We find ourselves wanting to reflect the “perfect image” or make sure no one sees our perceived flaws. There can be great energy expended to present that perfect front. The question is how much energy do we expend and at what cost. What do we sacrifice with that energy expenditure? What part of ourselves do we lose in the process? Is there something that we are missing?
What is wrong with doing the best we can with what we have? Nothing! It is important to acknowledge that we honestly try to do the best we can with what we have experienced, know, and maybe even feel. This is where expectations may come into play. Expectations that we place upon ourselves. Expectations society places on us. Expectations that others place on us. That does not mean that we cannot learn and grow. We have the ability to change and learn new ways of being.
In the meantime, while we practice and learn, what would be the consequences if we decided to do things differently? If we instead decided that imperfect was beautiful and that our faults are pieces of who we are. Instead of trying to remove or scrub away these pieces, we welcomed them as friends who have something to share. Maybe this sounds counterintuitive, but then again, maybe not. It is like regaining pieces of ourselves that we have shoved away, leaving us with these spots that are even more vulnerable because we find ourselves wanting to protect them. Imagine what it would be like to stop spending all this energy guarding these spots and instead invest in acknowledging that our perceived flaws give life flavor.
Something that many counselors in training are told and take to heart is that ruptures happen in therapeutic relationships. It happens. Even counselors are not perfect. While counselors don’t intend ruptures to happen in the therapeutic relationship because they make a mistake, they understand that these moments have potential. Potential to make the therapeutic relationship stronger. The consequences of denying a mistake or covering it up in any type of relationship cause all sorts of issues and damage both people. Why these examples? Because of expectations. There can be a misconception that counselors are perfect when it comes to clients. So people come to have expectations that counselors and counseling sessions may not have those issues. The expectation is not true. So here we come back again to acknowledging that imperfection and doing the best we can are pieces of the process.
While this post has already been question filled. There is one final question for everyone to reflect on. What is beautiful about your own imperfections and your process of doing the best you can?
Pink and purple rose on a dark background.
take action today moment:
Take some time to reflect on the questions asked throughout this post. Maybe consider reflecting on them during different moods and at different times. Chances are you will continue to uncover many different layers in your reflections. These questions are meant to provide for exploration with self-compassion. Put judgment to the side and enjoy the process of acknowledging that doing the best you can is a gift.