The Sting and Learning Lessons of Rejection
Let’s face it, rejection hurts and stings! It is something that many would prefer to go without. There are so many facets when talking about rejection because it is such a complex topic. While we don’t have the time and space to talk about every aspect, there are two pieces that we will explore today. The first is the experience of rejection and the second is how we might want to ensure that we are prepared to be kind and compassionate in our responses when we feel like we are rejecting someone.
Before we dive into our breakdown, there is a clarification that we need to make. There is a difference between being rejected as a person and in relation to an experience, opportunity, etc. Understanding this difference in our head may be a little easier than understanding that difference in our hearts and emotions because it can hurt no matter what is being rejected.
1. The Experience
As mentioned above, rejection hurts and can stick with us for a period of time. How we experience rejection depends on many things. A couple include how the “rejection” is delivered, previous experiences, and our degree of vulnerability.
Delivery
Not everyone has the skills and/or thinks about how wording and delivery have an impact. They just fire off an email or say something quickly without some thought. It happens! Chances are we all have an experience that we can share.
Experiences
Our previous experiences with rejection come with us, as do the experiences of the person doing the “rejection.” If we come from a childhood trauma background, for example, there may be a deep sense of feeling rejected by a caregiver that becomes our lens of the world. Or if we have just experienced a string of rejections after putting ourselves out there, offering up our skills and talents, that shades the next rejection that we experience. These are just a couple examples of many.
Vulnerability
When we put ourselves out there, we become vulnerable. Oftentimes we spend a lot of time trying to protect ourselves, so when we do let our wall down and show ourselves we are taking a risk. Chances are we are hoping for validating feedback versus the sting of rejection. What happens, though, is outside of our control. What is in our control is our choice to be vulnerable. If we don't take that risk we can miss opportunities.
2. Kindness and Compassion in Delivery
When we think about our experiences with rejection, it can be an impetus for ensuring that we are not perpetuating what has been our experience. We have a chance to do things differently, to support others and even help ourselves.
Intent vs. Impact
The first piece we need to keep in mind when we are potentially providing what may feel like rejection is to remember intent versus impact. Intent is what you want to do, how you think or feel, or who you are. Impact is the reality of your actions, how your actions make another feel, or what you did.
Remember Compassion and Self-Compassion
Compassion and self-compassion ask us to remember our common humanity and that we all have internal experiences. They also ask us to honor ourselves and others as beings that deserve honor and respect. So when we think about the possibility of delivering what feels like a rejection, remember that drawing from your own experiences and maybe from your hurt to do something differently may make all the difference.
Golden Rule
“Treat others the way you would like to be treated.” Chances are many of us have heard a version of this saying. A simple question we can ask ourselves is, “Would we want this message delivered to us like this?” Keep in mind we may need to account for personality differences.
Person walking down a path between trees.
take action today moment:
Take some time to reflect on what the topic of rejection even means to you. What experiences have you had with rejection? Do you tend to interpret the experience as a rejection of yourself, as motivation to do something different, or something else? Once you have an understanding, you can begin to explore your own reactions to rejection. In the meantime, practice kindness and compassion in your delivery when you are in a situation where the person might experience a feeling of rejection. That is something we all can do!