Boundaries! Mental Boundaries
We began this series by talking about physical boundaries. This week we transition from physical boundaries to mental boundaries. When we talk about mental boundaries in the context of mental health, we are looking at our cognitive space that contains your thoughts, values, opinions, and beliefs. Unlike physical boundaries where we can potentially see or touch them, think about our body boundaries, mental boundaries are invisible. They separate our internal world and experiences from the experiences and thoughts of others. Our mental boundaries guard our intellectual autonomy and psychological sovereignty just like our physical boundaries protect our bodies. Mental boundaries allow us to stay grounded in our own experiences and truths when other people disagree or even attempt to convince us otherwise. Like we did with physical boundaries, we will break down mental boundaries for further understanding.
Intellectual Autonomy
Our mental boundaries give us the opportunity to have our own perspective without feeling the pull to change our perspective because others have different opinions. In other words, intellectual autonomy is our ability to think for ourselves using our own rational reasoning instead of UNCRITICALLY accommodating the beliefs of others or societal pressures (McPhee & Cox, 2025). Some components of intellectual autonomy include:
Independent thinking or the ability to form, evaluate, and justify our own beliefs instead of blindly accepting or adopting the ideas of others.
Intellectual standards or the ability to act on our own thinking guided by standards of accuracy, relevance, depth, and logic.
Internal motivation or the inner drive to think for ourselves instead of being dependent on external validation or direction.
Self-regulation or our ability to question our beliefs and make our own decisions, even in the face of popular opinion if the occasion arises.
When it comes to intellectual autonomy, being able to listen to others viewpoints with openness and curiosity while not feeling threatened or the need to agree is part of being able to hold a healthy boundary. That does not mean that we need to close ourselves off to new information, but it comes with being able to critically think, do our own research using quality and reputable sources, and then making an informed decision. Here is a question we can ask ourselves to test our own boundaries. Do you find yourself changing your opinions in order to fit in or keep the peace?
Information Filerting
We are bombarded with information from many different sources - people, news from many different sources, etc. It is hard to be constantly flooded with information. We have the right to decide what information we let into our minds and how many of our thoughts we share with others. There are many factors that we need to consider, however, when deciding whether to take information and what we share with others. One of the most important considerations in safety. Other aspects to consider include the reliability of the source of information if we are talking about taking information in. If we are talking about sharing, we also must consider the people and palaces where we are sharing our ideas. We have a choice to engage or not engage in debates that are energy draining or whether to share ideas with people who are either supportive or critical. Here is another question you can ask yourself to check our boundary. Do you feel the weight of internal chatter in your mind of other people’s voices and criticisms? There are fancy psychological terms for taking in others’ thoughts and beliefs - introjections. But for now, keep it simple and decide for yourself what is your own and what is not.
To Right to Private Thoughts
We have the right to keep our private thoughts private and to also not have the answer for everything immediately. There are thoughts that we may want to keep to ourselves, and that’s okay. There are also times when we are asked questions that we cannot answer or are not ready to answer yet. It happens! It is okay to say things like, “I am still constructing my thoughts about this topic,” or to state simply that this is not the time to discuss one’s views. Either way we are putting up a boundary. If you feel like you are being interrogated during a conversation, check-in with yourself, is this a time where a boundary is needed?
Protection from Gaslighting
Gaslighting is a specific type of psychological abuse designed to make its victims seem or feel “crazy,” which results in a “surreal” interpersonal environment (Sweet, 2019). Gaslighting can take many forms:
Countering which happens when someone denies a victim’s memory of events.
Withholding/Blocking occurs when someone refuses to listen or pretends that they don’t understand something.
Trivializing happens when a victim’s feelings or needs are made to be unimportant.
Denial/Forgetting occurs when someone pretends experiences or agreements never occurred.
Stereotyping is exactly like it sounds. When someone intentionally uses negative stereotypes to subvert another.
When it comes to gaslighting, it is important to hold a boundary and advocate for knowing what we experience even if another tries to downplay it or rewrite the experience. Easier said than done in many cases. Consider after talking with someone, do they constantly doubt your own judgement or memory? Do you constantly doubt the judgement or recollection of others? Notice the warning signs early.
Recognizing Mental Boundary Crossings
Once again we can come back to the body to help us recognize when a mental boundary has been crossed. Here are few potential somatic markers:
Headaches or "Pressure": Feeling a literal tension in the temples or behind the eyes.
Ear Ringing or "Muffling": A sensation of wanting to tune out or physically cover your ears.
Dizziness or Disorientation: Feeling "lightheaded" or "foggy" during a conversation where your reality is being challenged.
Clenched Jaw: Resisting the urge to "bite your tongue" or swallow your true thoughts.
Remember these are just examples. Not everyone experiences these exact sensations. Everyone's experiences and bodies are different.
Mental boundaries are not about being closed-minded, but rather they are about our ability to discern what we allow to enter our minds and what we don’t. In other words, the wisdom to know when to let ideas or experiences in and when not to. When we honor our mental boundaries like we do our physical boundaries we can more fully and deeply engage in the world without being scared or losing ourselves in the process.
On the left side of the image is a deep blue ocean. On the right is a black sand beach. The center of the image shows the water as white as it washes onto the beach.
take action today moment:
Today’s take action moment is simple! Use some of the questions above to assess your mental boundaries.
Learn More About Boundaries:
8 Tips on Setting Boundaries for Your Mental Health
How to set boundaries and why it matters for your mental health
5 Ways to Set Healthy Boundaries for Mental Wellbeing
References
McPhee, R., & Cox, D. (2025). Intellectual autonomy as the aim of critical thinking. Educational Philosophy and Theory, 57(2), 186-196. https://doi.org/10.1080/00131857.2024.2412759
Sweet, P. L. (2019). The sociology of gaslighting. American Sociological Review, 84(5), 851-875. doi: 10.1177/0003122419874843