Boundaries! Physical Boundaries
Continuing on with the theme of mental health this month, today and in the coming weeks we will take a moment to stop and think about boundaries and their role in our mental health. We all need to have boundaries! Why? Because they set personal limits that help us feel safe, and they help us negotiate our behavior and choices in relationships outside of ourselves. Boundaries also help us prevent burnout and reduce stress because they allow us to establish clear guard rails about our time and energy. Ultimately, boundaries serve many purposes in our lives, and the above sentences only cover a few of the many. If an argument was to be made, though, boundaries as safety stands out as one of the most important reasons for them. The focus for this and the next few posts will be looking at the five dimensions of healthy boundaries: physical, mental, emotional, social, and spiritual boundaries. Let's dive into the physical boundaries in this post!
Physical Boundaries
Physical boundaries refer to our space, comfort, and safety limits that we establish around our physical bodies and personal environment. Our physical boundaries are connected to our mental well-being because they help preserve our autonomy and protect our nervous systems. When our physical boundaries are respected it helps us feel safe and grounded. However, when they are violated our flight or fight response can be activated. So what do physical boundaries encompass? Let’s take a closer look.
Personal Space
Many of us have heard this term, personal space, in some form since we were little. Other terms that have been used to talk about personal space include but are not limited to, bubble, and kinesphere. Ultimately, it is the space you require between yourself and others in order to feel comfortable. According to the Four Zones of Proxemics (Hans & Hans, 2015) introduced by Edward Hall, there are four zones of comfort and intimacy. With these zones remember that they are not rigid and are adjusted based on relationship and situation.
Intimate Distance (0 to 18 inches)
This distance is often reserved for embracing, touching, or whispering.
People that are often allowed in this zone include close family, pets, and intimate partners.
Personal Distance (1.5 to 4 feet)
This distance is frequently used during conversations with friends, family, or in close one-on-one professional or social situations.
Social Distance (4 to 12 feet)
This distance is often used for interactions among acquaintances, colleagues, and professionals.
Think of more formal situations.
Public Distance (12+ feet)
This distance is frequently seen in public speaking, large audiences, or when engaging with strangers.
Remember that personal space varies by culture, as cultures have varying norms about what distance is acceptable. This is not a point to take lightly because when we interact with others we need to ensure that we are respectful of their boundaries as well as our own, and this can be difficult to negotiate sometimes.
Physical Touch
This one is exactly like it sounds. People have the right to decide who is allowed to touch them, how, and when. Touch includes everything from a handshake to a hug from a partner. It is important to remember that we have control over what happens to our bodies and we need to provide consent by communicating it before someone can touch us. For example, let’s say that you are not a hugger. That is totally fine. It is okay to say, “I’m not a hugger. I do like high-fives though.” And, what is more is that it is okay to say that without feeling guilty.
Physical Needs and Our Environment
Since we all have a body, we all have physical needs like food, water, sleep, etc. Those are the basic human needs if we look at Maslow’s Hierarchy (Mathes, 1981). But we also have our needs like needing time to recharge or being able to leave a space that we find overwhelming. When we ignore our physical needs by skipping eating to please a supervisor, for example, we are self-boundary crossing and that can lead to burnout or even emotional dysregulation.
Privacy
Privacy is important when it comes to mental health because it allows us to recover from stress, develop a secure identity, and maintain trust in our relationships, to name a few. Being able to keep our personal belongings, phone, bedroom, emails, etc. private also falls into this space. Think about what happens when someone crosses a boundary around privacy and looks at your phone without permission. There are potentially numerous consequences like loss of trust or maybe even now feeling anxious. That is why it can be helpful to have a “no-go’ rule for others looking through your journal or phone, for example.
Recognizing Physical Boundary Crossings
Because physical boundaries are tied with our survival instincts, our body is a good source of information for when we have our boundaries crossed. Here are just a few examples of how your body might be warning you:
Muscle tension: Shoulders rising toward your ears.
Breath changes: Holding your breath or breathing very shallowly.
Gastrointestinal "gut" feelings: A pit in your stomach or sudden nausea.
Pulling away: Involuntary leaning back or crossing your arms.
Here is another way to think if the idea of setting physical boundaries sounds like you are being rude. Consider setting physical boundaries as an act of nervous system regulation. When we clearly communicate our physical needs we are better able to stay in the Ventral Vagal state, which is the place that we can stay calm and connected rather than jumping into our fight or flight or sympathetic nervous system.
We made it through our discussion of physical boundaries. In the next few weeks of blog posts, we will continue to discuss boundaries in the different dimensions.
A sidewalk and street made of the same cement blocks. The sidewalk curls left and then right.
take action today moment:
Take some time to consider and identify what your physical boundaries are. Do you have them? If you do, what are they? If you don’t, what boundaries do you need to start setting and clearly communicating? Another point to consider is how you communicate your physical boundaries. Do you make them clear so that others understand what they are?
Learn More About Boundaries:
Why Personal Boundaries are Important and How to Set Them
Six Types of Boundaries and What Healthy Boundaries Look Like
References
Hans, A., & Hans, E. (2015). Kinesics, haptics and proxemics: Aspects of non-verbal communication. IOSR Journal of Humanities and Social Science (IOSR-JHSS), 20(2), 47-52. doi: 10.9790/0837-20244752
Mathes, E. W. (1981). Maslow's hierarchy of needs as a guide for living. Journal of Humanistic Psychology, 21(4), 69-72. https://doi.org/10.1177/002216788102100406