Talking About Difficult Topics
Chances are, we have all heard about how important communication is in relationships. We may have all heard it in many forms, perhaps at length. Well, we are not going to add to it, but we are going to examine one aspect, of many, that communication allows us to do - engage in discussing difficult topics. That said, even reading this post may push us to the edge of our comfort zone, which is the point of this post.
Talking about difficult topics is not easy, as we all know, nor is it high on our lists of something we love to do. It’s why we call them ‘difficult’. And yet, difficult conversations have to happen for the benefit of ourselves, others, culture, and society. Difficult conversations can be rooted in many intentions. The hope for this post is that the intention is rooted in the desire to build better relationships, bring about change for the better, and grow as people. If those are our intentions, we have a good base for engaging in difficult conversations. However, if those are not our intentions and our intentions are to cause harm, then we are not in a place to engage in difficult conversations. Instead, that means we may need to do some healing work of our own.
Once we have our base, it becomes about crafting the words and challenging ourselves. Sometimes the hardest step is working up the courage and/or strength to have the conversation. That hesitation can be because of fear, lack of skills, or maybe even because we can’t stand the thought of causing pain or conflict. All are fair. No judgment. So what does that mean? It means that we must come back to our intention and remember why we are having this difficult conversation, and challenge our own fears, thoughts, and judgments. Where did these fears, thoughts, and judgments come from? That process is not always easy, either. Though it is worth the time and exploration because this is where we can find out if there are any false beliefs we need to work through, identify areas for skill development and growth, or explore the difference between intent and impact. It may feel intense because it is like holding a mirror up to yourself and asking you to look at yourself deeply. Once we can work through that process, and it may take some time or several tries (which is okay!), then it is time to have that difficult conversation.
As we are all aware, conversations don’t usually go according to plan. We can’t always guess the outcome. And perhaps it is better that way because it asks us to engage in the moment, which is to each of our advantages. It allows us to be active listeners and pay attention to verbal and nonverbal cues from the person we are conversing with, which can support these conversations. Furthermore, it allows us to notice our own experiences so that we can continue to come from our good intentions and not from a place of reaction so that we are acting from the best parts of ourselves. If we have these conversations from that place, then instead of driving a wedge, we can build a better world for all of us through connection and caring.
Rubik's cube.
take action today moment:
Consider looking at your patterns around having difficult conversations. Are you an avoider? Are you a people pleaser? Or any other type of pattern? Begin there because that will give insight into the areas you need to focus on. If fear is part of your pattern and you avoid conversations, for example, that is excellent information to know so that you begin to first acknowledge the fear, understand its role, and then begin to work with it. Remember, there is a place for first acknowledging and understanding fear's role. Don’t skip acknowledgment and understanding, no matter what the pattern.