Stop Apologizing
Never Stop Loving pained on a fence with a white background.
Stop apologizing. Yes, that is correct. Stop apologizing. How often do we hear those words? Probably, not often. Now that everyone is taken off guard, it is time to explain. Stop apologizing for being you! This type of apologizing has an incredibly sneaky way of showing up, and when they do, and we give into them, we chip away at our belief in ourselves.
Let’s talk about the purpose of an apology. An apology is meant to be used when we make a mistake or when we injure another person, for example. They are meant to make sincere amends and show regret for an injury or damage we may have caused. Apologies are also meant to learn more about what we can do to make those amends. Now let me come back to the phrase stop apologizing for being you. Do we need to apologize for “being a mistake”? No, because we are not mistakes. We are beautiful just the way we are. Do we need to apologize because there may be a belief that people regret that we are here because of who we are? Again, the answer is no. We need to understand that in no way do we need to apologize for being here. We have every right to be here and be ourselves. We have unique gifts and talents that we bring to this world, and the world needs our unique gifts and talents. Hopefully, by now, we all are on the same page. There is no need to apologize for who we are.
It is so easy to jump to apologizing. Sometimes it feels like it is ingrained in our DNA because of how well we have learned and practiced apologizing. Let’s look at an example. Often people will jump to apologize when they share their requested thoughts either right before or right after preemptively, which undercuts what they were trying to share. What does that convey to people and ourselves? Stop apologizing for being you. While this seems like a “minor” example, think of how these minor examples build up and how they slowly make an impact.
None of this is to say that we stop apologizing in general. There is still a time and place for making amends and apologizing. We are not perfect and do make mistakes. It happens. One relevant topic regarding apologizing, in general, is intent versus impact. Intent is what we think we are doing, while impact is how our actions are perceived by others. We can have a great intent; however, the impact may not land as we hoped it would. That is when an apology is necessary to make amends. This is still very different from apologizing for who we are. Though now we are beginning to see, one, how complicated this topic can genuinely get, and two, how easy it can be to fall into apologizing for being us.
While unlearning a habit like apologizing for being us is hard, it is possible. Spend time each day practicing and bringing awareness to how it shows up. Habits can change when we acknowledge them and put energy into doing things differently.
take action today moment:
Here are some suggestions to help you to stop apologizing for being you.
Find a community or people who build you up and will gently let you know when we are falling into apologizing for being you. It not only helps to be around people who like and love you for you, but it also can be helpful to have others help notice when you fall into patterns.
Seek support if needed from a professional.
Write a mantra/a reminder or draw a picture that you can place somewhere that you can see that reminds of how beautiful you are.
Remember your gifts and/or write them down so that you can pull out the list when you are having a tough moment.
Remember that you still need to apologize in appropriate situations but not for being you!