Self-Reflection
Reflection. What do you notice when you read that word? Reflection. What images, thoughts, stories, or memories come to mind? Reflection has so many different connotations. Reflection in the mirror. Reflection in water. Our behavior as a reflection of ourselves. To name a few of the many. There is one more that is essential to highlight, self-reflection. Self-reflection is our ability to stay in description (read: remain judgment free) and be honest about ourselves. Not always the easiest task for a few reasons. The first is our sometimes natural talent of bringing in, not only our own judgments, but also those of others. It happens lightning quick and its impacts are striking because they know just how to cut. The second is the element of honesty. Many of us value honesty and have it as part of our ethical codes. Though, when it comes to ourselves, it can be hard to be honest, mostly because we want to protect ourselves so that we can keep going with our day. We struggle with acknowledging both our challenges and our strengths.
While self-reflection may be challenging, it is a gift worth embracing. Self-reflection is one aspect of what allows us to grow because it asks us to activate different skills.
Skill Number One: Practice staying in description and out of judgment.
Judgment: I can’t do anything right!
Description: I struggle with certain tasks, and I am learning how to improve.
Skill Number Two: Work towards not universalizing and instead focusing on qualities.
Universalizing: I'm worthless because I can’t complete this task.
Qualities: I do have skills in this area yet, and I am still talented.
Skill Number Three: Make honest assessments of our abilities.
Honest Assessment: I made a mistake and own it.
Shaded Assessment: It was the other person’s fault, I was just responding to the person.
From the examples above, it is easy to see how the skills overlap. They weave together and support each other. Practicing one might mean practicing all three without always realizing it.
Let’s come back to one of the examples used early about what the word reflection might elicit - reflection in water. When someone looks at their reflection in water it isn’t a perfectly still image even if the water isn’t moving or flowing. There is always some small movement. That is the gift of self-reflection. Not only does it allow us to grow each time we practice, but it keeps us moving so that we can adapt and explore our world without judgment and honest thoughts. Judgment brings with it so much weight and keeps us stuck or weighed down so that we miss our own strengths and gifts. Learning and practicing honesty about ourselves is not always easy, as it asks us to acknowledge that we aren’t perfect while society tells us we should be. In our places of growth, our challenges, and imperfections we find other gifts we didn’t know that we had.
Glass ball reflecting the trees in the background of the picture.
Take Action Today Moment:
If self-reflection is not a current strength or even if it is, start by practicing staying in description during the day with other tasks. For example, ‘I have work to do’ instead of ‘I am dreading doing my work.’ Or going even simpler, describe your environment without judgment. Once that starts to feel more natural, then start practicing with yourself and track how it is going and how it impacts your interactions with others in the world. You might be surprised at how your interactions change.