Acknowledging Mistakes (aka Taking Responsibility for Your Actions)
Plant next to a sign that says: Difficult roads lead to beautiful destinations.
Perfection is an illusion. Nobody is perfect and yet many of us strive for perfection. Certain cultures even maintain the idea that we need to aim for perfection. However, we are human and we make mistakes. It happens! It happens to all of us! We are all in good company. There are gifts in making mistakes, but that is a topic for another day. Today is about acknowledging one’s mistakes and taking ownership of our choices and behavior. Sounds funny maybe, to be talking about this. However, it is a topic that needs attention and cultivation when we are adults and especially when in a leadership position.
Many times, the initial gut reaction is to find a way to either fix the mistake before someone finds out or to find some way to pass the mistake off as something someone else did. Chances are that each and every one of us has at least experienced this reaction (regardless of if we acted on it or not), watched it happen to someone else, or have experienced someone trying to pass the blame to us. No matter what the experience, the consequences to ourselves and others do not turn out well.
While it can be harder to take responsibility for a mistake and feel incredibly vulnerable, that is the path we need to take, advocate, and role model. It begins with realizing that every individual plays a role in every situation, experience, or interaction and has some degree of responsibility with how the situation plays out. In very few situations are we not involved in some capacity. As an example, let’s look at the role of the bystander. Bystanders may appear to not have a role in witnessing an interaction. However, let’s say that the bystander witnesses a hate crime or the mistreatment of another. If the bystander makes the choice to do nothing, that does have an impact. Yes safety is important, and there are other ways to still help out in that situation. This is just one example.
The next step is to pause and think of what actions you can take to make amends or address the mistake. By taking a pause and thinking, it hopefully allows a person to check-in first and maybe take a few deep breaths so that an action can be taken instead of a reaction. What is the difference? A reaction is the first impulse that may be born of past experiences, for example. An action is one that is purposeful and comes with intention. Once a course of action is decided, it can be helpful, if the opportunity is available, to run your plan by someone to ensure that it not only includes an acknowledgement of the mistake and accepts the responsibility, but also presents the steps that will be taken to make the mistake right.
Then it is time to take action and implement the plan. One can never predict the reactions of others. We can only ever control our behavior and interactions. Hopefully, the plan goes well and all ends with everyone in a better place. However, be prepared that, in some situations, the outcomes will not go according to plan. And that is okay. In those moments, there are options. One, use it as a learning experience. Two, adapt and work with what arises. Three, know that you did your best, as long as you did, to make the situation right and be okay with the outcome. Or secret option four - use all three no matter the situation and the outcome.
When one is in a leadership position, it is even more essential to take ownership of mistakes. While it may feel awkward to fess up to a mistake in the leadership position, in the long run it allows others to know that their trust is not misplaced. Sometimes relationships are made strong through mistakes as long as there is a repair!
take action today moment:
Engage in some self-reflection about how you react to making mistakes? And, how do you react to others making mistakes? What steps can you take to ensure that you don’t react and can instead take action?
Consider looking at some of the resources below to learn more about accepting responsibility.
As you take time to do this exercise, remember to stay curious, open, and to hold your journey with compassion.